


My Heart WILL Go On

by NaYa15



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Hurt Clarke, Jealous Lexa, Jealous costia, Jealousy, More characters may develop, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:59:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7610035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaYa15/pseuds/NaYa15
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke and Lexa have been dating but Clarke knew something so good couldn't last. Would life ever stop screwing her over?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. When Life Gives You Hell

**Author's Note:**

> The person whom I have made co-author of this fic, being yamchump, started this fic but did not go beyond chapter 3 and I couldn't stop thinking about it so I tried my best to continue it. This is my first fanfic so I hope you guys like it and please do not hesitate to leave comments. I look forward to hear from you. 
> 
> Once again I do not own these characters or the beginning of this fic.

**[Chapter 1](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/13939449): When Life Gives You Hell**

 

Clarke was used to things in her life screwing her over. First, it was her father, and then her mother, but that was not enough. She was used to getting her hopes up only for reality to come crashing down on her, which was why she eventually stopped hoping for anything at all. Not that she became a pessimist, necessarily. She simply stopped allowing herself to become too attached to any one person or idea. Of course, there were a few exceptions. Her friends were one exception. Their group was tight knit and unbreakable, and she never doubted them. They were her rock.

 Then, there was Lexa, who had been an insufferable pain in her side in the political science class they shared together, until she learned that the stoic girl had been playing the devil's advocate in all of their debates, just to get under her skin. It turned out that they had a lot in common, which they learned after an explosive argument (mostly Clarke exploding and Lexa staring at her trying not to laugh) that ended in Lexa finally coming clean about why she had argued with Clarke so much during the first month of the semester. They became quick friends, and after another month Clarke knew she was inexplicable enamored with everything about Lexa. The girl who had seemed so stoic and soft spoken at first turned out to be goofy and kind and, Clarke would argue to her dying breath and Lexa would roll her eyes and deny it, a giant dork.

Clarke reasoned that she should have known it was too good to be true. After their first kiss at Lexa’s friend’s bonfire, hidden amongst the trees, the rough bark of one pressed solidly to her back as Lexa captured her lips in a sweet, shaky kiss, she should have known it couldn’t last. After their first time, in which Lexa was all sure hands, piercing eyes, and soft words telling her how beautiful she was, she should have realized that getting attached was a bad idea. Most of all she should have realized after she found an old picture of Lexa and a pretty girl with caramel skin and chestnut hair grinning at each other, and Lexa shut her down when she asked about it, refusing to tell her anything.

Of course, she had gone to Anya, Lexa’s best friend, and asked about the picture and the girl. The girl’s name was Costia, Anya had told her a frown marring her sharp features. Anya spoke briefly about Lexa’s ex-girlfriend from high school, who had broken up with Lexa then moved to another state a week later, leaving Lexa devastated.

Clarke worried that she would never be as good as Costia in Lexa’s eyes. If Lexa was over the girl would she still have a picture of her? Would she refuse to talk about her? Clarke worried until Anya placed a hand on her shoulder and told her that Lexa only wanted her and that she needn’t worry. Clarke listened. She pushed it into the back of her mind and took Anya’s advice, because Anya was almost always right about everything, and she knew Lexa better than anyone.

Clarke and Lexa were together for a year. They spent a whole year happy and in love and for Clarke everything was as perfect. The weekend Clarke was ready to ask Lexa to move in with her, so that they could get out of the dorms, she walked into Lexa’s room and found her laughing with a gorgeous caramel skinned, chestnut haired girl, and she knew that life was about to screw her over again.  _Costia_ , Lexa said the girls name like it was precious, like she was precious to her, and Clarke knew. Lexa introduced Clarke and stumbled over the word girlfriend, casting nervous glances between Clarke and Costia, and Clarke knew. She was going to lose one of the most important people in her life, and she couldn’t stop it, because the way Lexa looked at her was nothing compared to the way she looked at Costia.

They spent two more months together. Two months of Lexa choosing Costia over her, of Lexa getting defensive when she grew upset about it, of Clarke feeling her heart shatter over and over until she couldn’t take it anymore. She broke up with Lexa. She told Lexa she had her second chance with the love of her life and that she should take it. She swallowed back pleas for Lexa to stay with her, and felt her heart break even more when Lexa looked at her with wide, wet eyes and apologized. When Lexa left, all of her stuff that had accumulated in Clarke’s dorm after a year stuffed in a box and clutched in her hands, Clarke’s happiness left with her.

 She erased all traces of Lexa from her life. Every drawing she had ever done of the girl was shoved in a box along with a t-shirt she had found in her laundry and all the gifts Lexa had gotten her throughout their time together. She kept the box under her bed, unable to burn its contents as Raven had suggested one night when they were curled in her bed drinking whiskey straight from the bottle. She distanced herself from Lexa’s friends who had become her friends, even Lincoln who had been dating Octavia. Though, she tried to make polite conversation with him when she could.

Lexa never tried to contact her, and she never tried to contact Lexa. She could have almost pretended the girl had never been part of her life if it weren’t for the box of memories and the too real dreams she experienced almost non-stop for the first three months of Lexa’s voice, and hands, and eyes.

Six months after their break up and she almost felt like she could breathe again. She and Anya had started talking again, and Anya told her that she was never allowed to stop talking to her again. Clarke smiled and laughed then blushed happily when Anya told her that she had missed her.

Eight months after their break up and she wasn’t quite happy, but she could pretend much easier.

A year and two months after their break up and she was able to go to Lincoln’s bonfires again. She could make small talk with Lexa and plaster a smile on her face when Costia would walk up and step between them and bury herself in Lexa’s arms. In those moments all she wanted to do was curb stomp the stupid bitch, but the feeling usually passed quickly and she was able to politely excuse herself to go find Anya, Raven, or Octavia. Raven would fill her red solo cup with something strong enough to make her forget, while Octavia would threaten Costia’s life in imaginative ways that had Clarke quirking a small smile and giggling through her tears.

 Surprisingly, Anya would throw an arm over Clarke’s shoulders and pull her head onto her shoulder, murmuring about how Lexa could be stupid all while gently stroking her back. The first time it happened Clarke tilted her face away from where it was buried in Anya’s shoulder and saw Lexa watching them, expressionless. When Clarke mentioned to Anya that she shouldn’t comfort her if it made Lexa uncomfortable, Anya rolled her eyes and wrapped her arm more tightly around Clarke, her voice sharp and angry as she said Lexa had no right to be upset with her for comforting Clarke after what she had done.

Clarke appreciated Anya for not letting Lexa get away with how much she had hurt her, but she didn’t want to get between the two best friends, though any time she mentioned it her concerns were soothed when Anya would smile at her and tell her that Lexa knew she was being ridiculous and had thanked Anya for being there for Clarke, though it was often with poorly disguised jealousy. Clarke realized in these moments that Lexa may not be completely over her, but she decided she wouldn’t wait around for Lexa to change her mind because she deserved better.

Life went on, and Clarke healed. A year and a half after their break up and she realized that she didn’t feel like she needed Lexa to be happy anymore. Part of her would always love Lexa and part of her would always hate her, but she could learn how to handle it. She felt whole again, mostly, and she figured that was probably as good as it was going to get.


	2. When Life Gives You Lemons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clanya interaction. Take that Lexa :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you to yamchump for this amazing chapter :) So sorry you weren't able to continue it, for now.

**[Chapter 2](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/13962559): When Life Gives You Lemons**

 

Clarke leaned over the sink applying the last of her makeup and humming softly to the music coming from her phone. After a moment of perfecting the wings of her eyeliner she leaned back and ran her eyes over herself through the mirror, smiling and wiggling her eyebrows.

“Too hot, hot damn,” she sang, tugging the neckline of her black blouse a little lower to show off her cleavage. She felt beautiful and confident, which she hadn’t felt in a long time. The music coming from her phone lowered momentarily notifying her that she had received a text and she picked it up and walked out of the bathroom, winking at Octavia and Raven who were catcalling at her playfully.

**From Grumpy:**  Are you guys ready yet? I’m walking up to your apt now.

Clarke smiled, quickly responding.

**To Grumpy:**  Yep wait til u see how hot I look idk how I’m still single tbh

Though, it was a lie, it made her better to joke about it. She had steadily been getting over Lexa and the realization of that made her happy. She wasn’t ready to jump back into a fully committed relationship, but she was ready to dip her toe back into the dating pool as a test. Hence her choice to finally get out of the apartment she and Raven had moved into two months previously.

She walked into her room and took one last glance at her ass in her mirror, feeling another surge of confidence because of how well the tight black skinny jeans hugged her body.  _I’m so getting free drinks tonight._

Her phone chimed.

**From Grumpy:**  I’m not sure if we’ll be able to get you and your big head out the door.

She snorted and sent back an emoji with its tongue sticking out, grabbing her purse and walking into the living room where Octavia and Raven were arguing.

“I’m just saying that  _if_ we ever had sex, I’d totally be on top,” Raven said with a shrug, acting as if it was common knowledge.

“You’re full of shit, Reyes, I’m obviously a top. I mean I top Linco-,” The buzzing of the doorbell interrupted her mid-sentence.

“Thank you, Jesus Christ in heaven. You are too good to me,” Clarke mumbled under her breath, dodging the coaster that Octavia flung at her head. It hit the wall right where her head had been and she muttered about Octavia being a ninja as she unlocked and opened the door.

“Honey, I’m home,” Anya said in a flat voice, letting her eyes rove over Clarke slowly, “You clean up pretty nice, slick.”

Clarke snorted.

“Damn, Anya! Who you trying to impress?” Raven popped up next to Clarke and leered at Anya.

Clarke faked a gag, but she had to give it to Anya, she looked hotter than usual in strategically ripped skinny jeans, a loose white v-neck, and a worn pair of doc martens. To top it all off she was wearing the leather biker jacket Clarke was pretty sure she lived in. Maybe she looked a little good. Maybe.

Clarke watched as Raven smirked and wrapped her arm around Octavia’s shoulder.

“Sadly, none of you bitches look as good O over here,” Raven purred, wiggling her eyebrows at Octavia who pinched her arm but smiled.

Octavia ran her hands over the short stylish dress she was wearing, clearly happy with the compliment.

“Lincoln isn’t going to know what hit him,” Clarke said with a soft smile towards her two best friends.

“As much as I’d  _love_  to sit here and kiss each other’s asses all night, we should probably get going,” Anya said and gestured for the other three to walk out into the hall.

The drive to the club was short and filled with terrible renditions of Fifth Harmony songs courtesy of Octavia and Raven. Clarke laughed so hard the whole time she could barely speak, and even Anya had to smother her laughter so that she could focus on the road. Clarke was so happy she barely thought about Lexa and how a year and a half ago she would’ve been sitting in the car with them, probably singing along under her breath. As they pulled into the parking lot across the street from the club, Clarke met Anya’s eyes before getting out of the car and felt a rush of gratitude and affection, knowing that the other woman could’ve easily left her life as soon as she and Lexa broke up.

Anya winked over at her before starting off towards the entrance of the club, laughing at Raven trying to beatbox along with the music pouring from the club. Clarke followed, slipping her arm into Octavia’s and pushing the last few years into the back of her mind.

Inside the club the music was almost unbearably loud and Clarke could feel the thrum of the bass all throughout her body, something she was surprised to find she had missed. They quickly migrated to the bar and Anya shoved aside a few drunks so that they could wave down a bartender. Octavia smiled and leaned her elbows on the bar next to Anya when Lincoln walked up to them, offering her a smile.

“Don’t tell my girlfriend, but I think you might be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,” he said loud enough for Octavia and Anya to hear. Octavia quirked an eyebrow at him and blushed despite the cheesiness of his line, and Anya groaned and rolled her eyes, sliding her debit card to him and ordering their first round of drinks.

Clarke watched her three friends until she felt Raven tugging at her wrist, and she allowed herself to be pulled closer to the crowd of dancing bodies. She laughed loudly as Raven started to do a really funky version of the sprinkler, quickly mimicking her. They ended up supporting each other as they broke into giggles, walking back over to the bar.

Anya handed them both shots of whiskey as they walked up, grabbing her own and nudging Octavia away from her flirting.

“Let the man do his job and let’s toast,” She said, holding her shot glass up and shooting them all a small smile, settling a teasing gaze on Clarke, “To finally getting Blondie out of the apartment.”

Clarke shot her the bird as she downed her whiskey, leaning close into Anya’s personal space to set her shot glass on the bar.

“Think you’re funny, do you?” She asked and tilted her head.

Anya raised an eyebrow and leaned even closer, fully willing to play Clarke’s game.

“I’m hilarious, Clarke,” She hummed and Clarke watched as her gaze dipped down momentarily before shooting back up. Anya leaned away then, grabbing the bottle of beer next to her on the bar and sipping from it slowly, not quite looking directly at Clarke. “Off with you, go show those two idiots how to dance before they hurt themselves.”

Confused but unwilling to try and decipher Anya’s strange behavior, Clarke shrugged and walked off to join Octavia and Raven.

At the bar Anya sighed and ran her hand through her hair, glaring at the look Lincoln shot her.

“I know, okay. I’m not trying anything. I just wanted her to stop moping around,” she snapped irritably.

Lincoln held his hands up in surrender, but she could see the pitying look in his eyes.

“You know I won’t judge you if you have feelings for her, right? I mean yeah, she is your best friend’s ex, but Lexa made her decision. You’re allowed to like her,” he said, only loud enough for her.

She knew he was partially right but it didn’t stop the guilt from trying to eat her alive from the inside. Her feelings for Clarke had surfaced before the breakup, but she never planned on acting on them. Even with Lexa and Clarke separated, she didn’t plan on acting on the feelings. Clarke obviously didn’t return her feelings and she didn’t feel like making a fool out of herself by confessing to someone who wasn’t at all interested. It wasn’t worth ruining the friendship they had managed to salvage after everything.

She was pulled from her musing when a hand landed on her shoulder, and Raven was standing there looking at her with a playful glint in her eyes. Shaking her head, she shot the girl a warning look.

“I will buy you more drinks if you will keep your mouth shut about whatever is going on in your head,” she said, and watched as Raven pretended to mull over it for a moment before pretending to lock her lips shut.  _Fucking cheeky._

The night wore on in a similar fashion. Raven, Octavia, and Clarke would come to the bar when they wanted more drinks, and Anya would provide them. They would talk or rate people who walked by before making their way back into the sea of sweaty grinding bodies, and Anya would talk to Lincoln about the Blackhawks game playing silently on the flat-screen above the bar.

Two hours later and a very tipsy Clarke managed to lure Anya away from the bar to dance, finally deciding to resort to tilting her head down and pouting up at her through her lashes. Anya swore under her breath and let Clarke take her hand and drag her into the middle of all the dancing.

 

Clarke smiled, feeling cocky, and threw her arms around Anya’s neck who was stiff as a board and looking similar to a caged animal. Rolling her eyes, Clarke leaned up to press her lips to Anya’s ear so the woman could hear her.

“You’re doing a great impression of a tree, babe, but maybe you could try dancing with me? Unless you’re incapable,” she challenged and felt Anya tensing up even more than she thought possible.

 

Anya, to her credit, managed to keep herself from shivering as Clarke’s lips brushed against her ear. The husk of Clarke's voice nearly had her knees collapsing but she managed to lock them in place. She was all set to pull away from the woman who was clearly the bane of her existence until Clarke challenged her.  _I’ll show you dancing, Blondie._

Clarke grinned and leaned back, biting her lower lip happily as Anya’s hands slid onto her hips. A giggle slipped from her lips at the dangerous look Anya gave her. Teasing Anya was  _so_  fun. Her heart beat a little fast as the music picked up. Or maybe it was the way Anya’s fingers tightened around her hips, fingers slipping under the bottom of her shirt slightly, scorching against her already overheated skin.

She kept one hand firmly curled around the back of Anya’s neck and slipped the other down onto her chest, feeling Anya’s steady, if not slightly fast, heartbeat against her fingertips. Anya was gazing down at her, in a way most people would assume was indifferent, but Clarke could see the tick in her jaw and the way her pupils were nearly taking over her irises.

Licking her lips, she watched carefully as Anya’s eyes flicked down to follow the movement. The hands on her hips slipped closer to her ass. Anya seemed to lean in. In the back of her mind, Clarke knew that they were crossing a boundary, but the alcohol coursing through her made it hard for her to care. She could feel heat curl low in her belly; her clit throbbed and she scratched her nails against the back of Anya’s neck, pulling her in.

The lights in the club turned on and the music stopped, Clarke could vaguely hear one of the bartenders yelling about last call as Anya stepped away from her and opened her mouth to say something before shutting it with a harsh snap. The other woman offered her a smile that looked a little too strained and mumbled about going to close out her tab as she brushed by Clarke.

Clarke stood still for a moment, her cloudy mind trying to piece together Anya’s odd behavior and her own reactions. She was interrupted from her thoughts by Octavia stumbling against her and nuzzling close.

“Time to go, Princess,” Octavia sang against her shoulder, voice only slurring a little bit. The distraction was enough to keep her mind off of whatever the hell had happened before. She really needed to get laid, especially if she was forcing herself on Anya. Determined to apologize for her behavior later, she smiled at Octavia and walked with her to the bar, where Anya and Raven stood talking to Lincoln.

Lincoln leaned over the bar and kissed Octavia on the forehead, and Clarke felt a small bit of envy work its way under her skin. Briefly she let herself reminisce about Lexa kissing her forehead, but immediately regretted it when the image was replaced with one of Lexa kissing Costia’s forehead. She scoffed at herself and shook her head.  _Stupid._

After Anya promised that she was good to drive, reminding Lincoln that she had only had one shot and half a beer, they walked back out to the car. The whole time Anya kept her eyes planted firmly away from Clarke, who had decided to keep a tight hold on her arm to keep from stumbling.

Outside of the club, Clarke shivered, realizing she was the only one who had forgotten to bring a jacket. She was prepared to ask Raven if they could share somehow when she felt heavy warm leather settling on her shoulders. Anya stood next to her looking the opposite direction and running a hand through her hair; tattooed arms bared to the chilly early morning air.

Clarke blushed and a burst of warmth started in her chest and traveled all the way down to her fingertips. She burrowed into Anya’s jacket as they reached the car and smiled to herself, breathing in the sharp spicy, almost masculine, scent of Anya’s cologne mixed with the scent of expensive leather.

The warmth didn’t leave her body for the rest of the night, even as she handed the jacket back to Anya, after hugging her and kissing her cheek (something she had done without putting much thought into it). Completely missing the way Anya touched her cheek, she turned and said goodnight to Octavia and Raven, hugging them both before they stumbled into their respective rooms.

 

Anya watched Clarke stand just inside the entrance to the living room, curling blonde hair around her fingers and staring at the spot Raven had been standing moments before.

“Clarke?” She questioned softly, not wanting to startle her.

Her heart clenched painfully in her chest when incredibly blue, if not hazy, eyes met hers and Clarke seemed to realized she hadn’t moved yet.

“Oh, sorry, I’m a little drunk,” Clarke hummed, smiling at Anya in a way that made her want to kiss the girl senseless.

“You should get some sleep, I’ll get a blanket and pillow from the closet and sleep on the couch,” Anya said and shifted on her feet awkwardly, sighing in relief when Clarke nodded.

“Right. Goodnight, Anya. Sleep well.”

“Sweet dreams, Clarke.”

Anya watched Clarke walk down the hallway to her room, waiting for the door to close behind her then falling back onto the couch. She expelled a harsh breath and scrubbed her hands over her face.

“Fuck me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this. Please leave any comments or suggestions below :) :)


	3. When Life Complicates Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, we see some Lexa interaction, but it doesn't go as well as one hopes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are enjoying the fic as much as I am and I hope that you enjoy this chapter chapter. I have no beta but then again, this chapter was also written by the amazing yamchump :) 
> 
> Thank you all :D

**[Chapter 3](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/15218701): When Life Complicates Things**

 

Two weeks passed without much fanfare, and the weekend came again. Clarke sat in her room with her sketchbook open on her lap. She swore the blank page was taunting her inability to get over her artist’s block. Huffing in frustration, she sketched the outline of a generic featureless human head, perched atop a slender neck and strong shoulders. She stared at the blank page, willing features to appear, urging her hand to just do something. After 5 minutes, and with no more work to show for the time that had passed, she dropped her pencil next to her on the bed and let out a weary sigh.

Her phone rang, and she jolted at the volume, putting her hand over her heart and quickly swiping her thumb over the screen to answer it.

“I have a deal for you,” Anya’s soothing voice came from the other end of the line and Clarke felt a small smile pull at the corners of her mouth. She picked her pencil back up and twirled it.

“I’m not buying anything,” she said teasingly, easily sketching out Anya’s unique features onto the drawing.

A deep chuckle sounded from her phone’s speaker, causing her to bite her lip to hold in her own small laugh. Her heart rate sped up as the drawing in her sketch book started to look more and more like the woman she found herself developing a very dangerous crush on.

“You didn’t even hear my spiel,” Anya said and Clarke could almost hear the smirk that must be plastered across her face. She drew the same enticing curl at the corner of the drawing’s lips.

“Fine, but I’m hanging up if I don’t like what I’m hearing,” Clarke answered with a faux exasperated huff.

“I never disappoint,” Anya purred, ignoring Clarke snort of disbelief as she continued, “What do you say to a Vincent Price marathon and a shit ton of junk food?”

Clarke’s smile was wide and unbridled, happiness bubbling in her chest and emerging as a fond chuckle.

The fact that Anya remembered a comment she made months before about her favorite films stained her cheeks red with joy and something she didn’t care to explore too deeply. She sucked her bottom lip as she hummed thoughtfully.

“How much is it gonna cost me?”

“Come open the door for me and we’re square.”

Anya’s response made Clarke laugh aloud and she hopped up from her bed, dumping the unfinished drawing on her desk and walking out of her room and to the front door. She opened it and ended the call at the same time, glaring playfully at the woman standing on the other side of the door.

 “What if I had said no?”

Anya shrugged, holding up a few bags of goodies and a large pizza box. She carried her spoils into the living room and sat everything on the coffee table in front of the couch, pulling out a few DVDs.

“I guess it’s a good thing you said yes. So, Theatre of Blood or House on Haunted Hill?”

“Theatre of Blood first,” Clarke said, grinning as she fell back onto the couch.

Anya quickly put the DVD into the player and sat next to Clarke, opening the pizza box and grabbing two beers out of one of the bags.

“Bon Appétit,” She said, handing one of the beers over to Clarke.

They dug into the pizza and ate silently as the movie started. Clarke’s eyes stayed glued to the TV and she chewed with a small happy smile, wiggling so that she was pressed closer to Anya’s side.

Minutes later, Clarke felt Anya’s gaze settle on her and stay there. Curiously, she flicked her eyes over to the older woman and cleared her throat.

“Do I have something on my face?” She asked uncertainly, suddenly self-conscious.

Anya blinked, and Clarke watched amber eyes flicker from somewhere below her eyes to meet hers. A moment passed before Anya turned her head back to the TV.

“Ah, no, sorry,” she mumbled against the mouth of her beer bottle, taking a long sip.

Clarke could see a slight pink tint crawling up Anya’s neck and she felt her cheeks grow warm in response, though she wasn’t entirely sure why. She was unable to let go of her curiosity so she nudged Anya in the thigh with her foot until amber eyes met hers again. Raising one of her eyebrows, she waited.

“Fuck, don’t look at me like that. You look like your mother,” Anya sputtered and averted her gaze again.

Clarke gasped loudly, in mock horror, slapping Anya on the shoulder, “You take that back right now!”

Laughing, Anya pinched Clarke’s thigh, exposed by her tiny pajama shorts, “Take it as a compliment, your mom’s hot as fu-”

“Oh my god,” Clarke gagged and smacked Anya a few more times, “You aren’t allowed to hang out with Raven ever again! Ever!”

She continued hitting Anya playfully until the dirty blonde was forced to put down her beer and grab both of Clarke’s hands, tugging in an attempt to throw her off balance. The resulting power struggle ended when they realized that Clarke was basically straddling Anya’s lap, a deep red blush coating both of their faces.

Anya’s gaze flitted from Clarke’s eyes to her lips, before they trailed even lower and Clarke realized that she was only wearing a camisole and her cleavage was  _very_  clearly on display. Butterflies erupted in her stomach and heat pulsed between her legs as Anya caught her bottom lip between her teeth, eyes focused on the soft mounds of her breasts.

She could feel her nipples harden in anticipation for what her body very clearly wanted, and she knew Anya could see through the thin material of her shirt if the soft ‘fuck’ that fell from her lips was any indication.

Without thinking, Clarke slid her hands out of Anya’s grip to where her neck and shoulders met. She curled her nails against the soft skin at the base of Anya’s neck when strong hands slid down her rib cage to grip her hips. Anya’s fingers burned against her skin where her shirt had ridden up.

Gently, she tugged Anya’s head closer to her chest and arched her back, her pussy clenching around nothing as she felt hot breath puff over her nipple just before firm lips closed over the stiff bud. Anya’s hot tongue stroked her nipple through the fabric and she rocked her hips against the older woman’s taught stomach.

“Oh fuck,” She moaned, voice husky and broken, as Anya sucked, sending a jolt from her breast to her clit. She was about to pull the neckline of her camisole down so that she could feel Anya’s tongue and teeth on her flushed skin, when Anya’s phone began to ring loudly from the table.

Anya jolted like she had been burned and gently but quickly pushed Clarke to the side off of her lap. Jumping up from the couch swiftly, she swiped her phone from the table and answered it. Her hands were shaking.

“What?” She barked out, holding in harsh breaths. “Fuck, Lex, no. I’m sorry. I was just… asleep. My ringtone shocked me.”

Clarke froze, staring down at her lap with wide eyes. She swallowed thickly around the knot in her throat and jumped up, walking to her room and throwing a hoodie on to cover the obvious damp spot on her shirt.

“What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck, Clarke?” She chanted and paced back and forth in her room frantically until she heard Anya end the phone call. Hesitantly, she crept back into the living room, tugging at the frayed edge of her hoodie’s sleeve.

Anya stood next to the couch, gripping her phone so tightly her knuckles were white.

“I,” She started before swallowing and running her free hand through her hair harshly, “Fuck, Clarke. You’re my best friend’s ex and I just…” She trailed off when she noticed Clarke shaking and hastily wiping her eyes, “Fuck, please don’t cry. Come here.”

Clarke felt strong arms wrap around her and she melted against Anya, sucking in a harsh breath as she held back more tears.

“I’m an awful person. I’m awful, Anya. I’m so sorry. I just- fuck, it’s been so long and you make me feel so comfortable and the way you look at me just- God, I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to ruin your friendship with Lexa,” Clarke hiccupped through her apology, gripping at Anya’s sleeves and pressing her face into her shoulder.

“Hey, hey, no. Clarke, it’s okay. We both just got caught up in the moment. It’s okay. It’s not your fault, I promise. I- you make me comfortable, too. Don’t worry about my friendship with Lex, okay? I can- It’s none of her business who I- I mean not that we’re doing anything, but if we were. Shit, I’m fucking up.”

Clarke laughed through a sob, shaking her head and pulling away until she was looking up at Anya.

“It’s okay,” she said with a small watery smile, pulling Anya into a hug, “Can we just forget it happened?”

Ignoring the sharp pain in her chest, Anya nodded and gently hugged Clarke back. She pulled away shortly after and sighed regretfully.

“I hate that I’m about to say this, but I have to go jump start Lexa’s car, so we’ll have to postpone,” Anya hummed as she carefully brushed the tears from Clarke’s cheeks. She smiled gently at Clarke and leaned in to kiss her forehead, swallowing back her anguish at the way she froze. Wincing, she pulled away and shoved her hands into her pockets, heart thudding painfully at the thought that Clarke wouldn’t want to be touched by her anymore. “Keep the food and the movies, it’s all for you, anyways. I’ll see you later, Clarke.”

Clarke watched as Anya picked up her keys from the coffee table and hurried out of the apartment. Her mouth was pulled into a sad frown at the realization that she had probably just ruined her friendship with one of the most important people in her life.

She glanced over at the couch and felt equal parts guilt and arousal spike through her as she imagined Anya’s mouth against her chest and her strong hands hot and possessive on her hips.

Sighing, she walked to the couch and fell onto her back, pressing the heels of her palms into her eyes. She absolutely could not have feelings for her ex’s best friend. Especially not when she wasn’t sure if she was over said ex. At the thought, she groaned and curled into herself, trying to forget how good it felt when Anya touched her.

One thing was certain: She was screwed.

 

**~~~~~~~~**

Anya sat in her car and let her head fall back against the headrest, slamming her palm into the steering wheel a few times until it was throbbing painfully. She was officially the worst best friend on the planet. Falling for your best friend’s ex was one thing, but acting on those feelings was on a whole new level of fucked up.

The engine of her Jeep rumbled to life as she turned the key in the ignition. She peeled out of her parking spot in front of Clarke’s apartment and down the road, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

Her thoughts were a scattered mess as she drove on autopilot to Lexa’s apartment. Twenty minutes later she jolted out of her daze, blinking when she realized she had been idling next to Lexa’s car for a full minute with her foot on the break. She put the car into park and killed the engine, pulling out her phone to text Lexa.

Shortly after, Lexa was walking out of her apartment on the ground floor, followed closely by Costia.

Anya felt irritation worm its way under her skin as she climbed out of her car and clasped Lexa’s forearm in greeting, willing a tense smile onto her face and nodding to Costia.

Lexa, ever the observant one, furrowed her brow and frowned in worry.

“You okay, An?” She asked gently, coaxing a flash of guilt from Anya.

The feeling was quickly extinguished when Costia slipped her hand into Lexa’s and pressed close to her. Anger at both of them rose in Anya so swiftly she had to clear her throat and turn away to force it down, reaching into her car for her jumper cables. She took the time to open the hood of her own car and attach the cables to the correct spots on the battery before answering.

“I’m just tired. Like I said on the phone, you woke me up,” she grumbled and pushed past the couple to Lexa’s car, waiting for the brunette to pop the hood.

“You could have said no,” Lexa said, looking upset and apologetic before she opened her door and pulled the switch that would release the latch on the hood.

Anya breathed in deeply as she lifted the hood and attached the cables, walking back to her car and cranking it.

Lexa’s car seemed to stall for a moment before it roared to life and Anya’s rolled her eyes as Costia clapped happily and gave her an awkward hug. Lexa met Anya’s eyes over Costia’s shoulder, one eyebrow raised at Anya’s cold behavior as she detached the cables from both cars.

Anya cleared her throat and pulled away from the hug, watching Costia hop into the passenger’s side of Lexa’s car then turning to see Lexa rolling up the last of the jumper cables. Anya held her hand out for them and tossed them in her passenger seat, leaning back against the door and sighing.

“I’m sorry,” Lexa said with an almost imperceptible frown.

Anya could hear the genuine apology in her voice and it pulled at her heartstrings. She clapped her hand on Lexa’s shoulder and squeezed, shaking her head and smiling softly, “Don’t be. I’m just moody when I nap in the middle of the day, remember?”

Lexa chuckled, eyes softening.

“How could I forget after you nearly bit my head off when I came into your room in hysterics after I kissed Cl-…”

They both froze, and Lexa’s face went blank, but Anya could see her throat working like it did when she was trying to hold back her emotions. Lexa turned and glanced at Costia, who was distractedly playing a game on her phone while she waited for them to finish talking. When she turned back to Anya, her eyes were sorrowful and pained.

“How,” The word came out harshly as Lexa struggled with how she wanted to phrase her question, “is she?”

Anya sucked in a long breath through her nose, lifting a hand to the back of her neck and rubbing the muscle. Lexa’s vibrant green eyes shone with an expression that both angered and saddened Anya. She knew how much Costia meant to Lexa, but she would never understand her friend’s decision to leave Clarke.

Clarke was unlike anyone Anya had ever known, all warmth and wit and loyalty. Being in her presence usually left Anya feeling giddy and alive and _whole_.

Anya pushed down the urge to hit something.

“She’s good,” She said, offering nothing else.

Lexa was quiet for a moment before she nodded, eyebrows furrowed in thought. She relaxed and tried to smile, but her full lips twitched in protest.

“That’s good,” She whispered, clenching her hands into tight fists at the hoarse crack in her voice.

Anya felt another rush of nearly livid anger and she pushed away from her car and walked around to the driver’s side, meeting Lexa’s inquisitive stare with a barely concealed glare.

“You should hurry up before Costia gets impatient,” she mumbled, nearly flinching at her own bitterness.

Lexa frowned and took a step back, bumping into the driver’s side door of her own car. She opened her mouth to say something, but Anya was already in her car, slamming the door shut.

The roar of her engine drowned out the sound of Lexa shouting her name.


	4. When Life Sends You Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see the inner feelings of Lexa and Anya. Also, what is Clarke going through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the first chapters that I, myself have written. Please be patient with me.

**[Chapter 4](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/15218701) : When Life Sends You Help**

Lexa found herself dumbstruck as she watched her best friend drive away from her so quickly, quicker than she had arrived there. And now there was no proof that the dirty blonde was ever there, except for her revving car. What had she done to merit such a reply? Why was Anya acting warmly at one moment and so coldly the next? Lexa didn’t know. NO, that was a lie. Lexa KNEW, but she did not want to acknowledge the truth, because if she did, she would feel the guilt of what she had done to the kindest and loveliest soul that ever existed.

Lexa knew that Anya was never fond of Costia, even before Clarke and before everything happened. She always grew cold before, when Lexa spoke about Costia, but it was never quite like this. Ever since she left Clarke for Costia, her bestest friend had started to become a stranger as she started to dedicate more of her time to Clarke. Of course, Lexa could never be jealous or mad at her for doing that and she had no right to be either.

She knew that she should be more than grateful to the older woman because she was the one there to pick up the pieces of the heart of the blonde, which she had been shattering ever since Costia revisited her and then gave the final blow when she left her crying on the ground, holding on to her dear life. However, this did not make her feel any less sad for the cold shoulder she was getting from Anya. But more than that, she was slightly jealous that whilst the blonde wanted nothing to do with her, she was becoming rather cosy with her best friend or so it seemed every time she saw them at the club.

But of course she wouldn’t know either because by walking out on Clarke, she had given up the privilege to know anything about her ex-girlfriend and she deserved it. Yet she couldn’t help the sting she felt in her chest when she watched Anya and the blonde pressing against each other as they danced in the clubs, just like _they_ used to do.

NO, she should not be thinking about this, she had Costia now, she made her choice and she CHOSE Costia. Nobody forced her into anything and she was more than happy now.

But, who was she kidding? Certainly, not herself. No matter how much Costia made her happy, she did miss Clarke and her antics because she had found the bestest of friends in the blonde, and now she has lost her forever. Of course, it was all her fault. But sometimes, when she saw Clarke in the club having fun with her friends and Anya, she felt some regret for letting her slip through her fingers.

Was she wrong for choosing Costia? Did she choose her because she was nostalgic and the prospect of regaining her thrilled her? Either way, she knew one thing for sure now, and that was that she took Clarke for granted. The blonde was always there, unlike Costia, until she wasn’t anymore after the break up. Did she really believe or even hope that Clarke would wait for her? Maybe she did…but now she should not be thinking these things.

She LOVES Costia, Costia is the ONLY one for her, her soulmate…she has to be, right?

“Lexa?... Lex, can you even hear me?”, and just like that she was torn away from her thoughts by her so-called-soulmate, or so she believed.

.                                  .                          .                             .              .                 .                    .        .

Anya was too caught up in leaving as hurriedly as possible to even realise where she was driving to. But as she rounded the familiar corner, went up the floors and was about to knock on the door, she snapped out of her daze and realised that she had driven to her friend’s apartment. No not her friend’s house, but THE friend’s house, the one who made her heart beat quicker than it was medically advised, the one who could elevate her or crumble her with just one word…nobody other than Clarke.

“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! What did I just do and why am I here?”, Anya muttered under her breath to herself.

Well she knew why she acted that way towards Lexa, because ever since started to mend Clarke’s broken heart, she wanted nothing more than to watch Lexa at least suffer a quarter of what the blonde was. For she knew that after what Lexa did to the blonde, the latter would never fully recover, even though outwardly she seemed fine. But Clarke could never hide her feelings from her and she could see the massive insecurities that Clarke had, despite successfully hiding them from the others.

After she started to take care of the blonde, she found that her crush was turning into something stronger with each passing day, but she will never admit that she was in love with her aloud to anyone because she should not be in love with her bestfriend’s ex.

So she stood there contemplating whether or not she should knock, cursing her subconscious for having automatically led her there, like she had done many other times before.

She was just about to turn on her heel and leave the building, but that is when she heard it. A sob. A heart-breaking sob coming from behind the door and that made her decision for her.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and being patient with me and do not hesitate to comment, I like hearing what you have to say :) :) Also the rest of the chapters won't be as quickly posted. I also apologise for this chapter's brevity.


	5. When Life Reminds You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya helps Clarke more than she can ever fathom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter, as always thank you for leaving kudos and commenting :)

**[Chapter 5](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/15218701): When Life Reminds You**

 

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

“Clarke?”

She got no response except for harsher sobs.

“CLARKE? Open up, it’s me ,blondie. I came back for my leftover pizza, didn’t think I’d let you keep it all, did you?”, she tried to joke.

The sobs subsided but nothing else came from behind the door.

“Clarke, are you going to open up or shall I come in, my way?! You do realise that I will get in there, one way or another, right?”

Nothing yet.

“CLARKE!! OPEN UP, GODDAM-“

But before she could end cussing, the door opened to reveal a very shaken and tipsy Clarke. Right then and there it hit her. She realised now why she had gone there earlier today and why she is back here again. Clarke was not to be left alone in the coming couple of days.

These couple of days is bring out all Clarke’s insecurities to the surface at full force. One of them is the day her father abandoned her. How could anyone have the heart to abandon somebody like her, she did not know.

By first glance, anyone could deduct that Clarke had been crying by her pink puffy eyes, tear stains on her shirt and her glassy looking eyes. Anya looked Clarke up and down, doing damage control and then she opened her arms wide open, inviting the blonde to jump right in. However, Clarke just looked at her blearily and then turned and made her way inside, leaving the door open to let Anya follow her. Anya followed Clarke with an incredulous and hurt expression. She did not know why the younger blonde had not leaped in her arms like usual, maybe what happened earlier had made the blonde wary of her and not wanting her to touch her? She felt a sting of pain in her chest but she refused to let it affect her because this was certainly not the time to be selfish.

“Clarke? Clarke, please let me help you. We have been over this many times; it’s ok to let other people take care of you, so please let me”, Anya pleaded whilst reaching out for Clarke.

But the younger blonde moved away and gave her a side glance whilst whispering something under her breath.

“What did you say? I couldn’t hear you.”

“I said”, she turned around giving Anya the view of a full-on crying Clarke “Why do you care? I’m just a burden on everyone.” She looked at the floor then and sobbed.

They have been through this many times especially when Clarke and Lexa’s break up was still fresh, but this had subsided the more time passed. Why was it resurfacing in such full force after all this time? Maybe it’s this particular day...

“Hey, Clarke, look at me”, said the dirty blonde as tenderly as possible whilst reaching out and putting her hands on Clarke’s cheek. “Please, look at me.”

Clarke looked up and Anya stroked away her tears before enveloping her into a crushing hug.

“Of course I care for you Clarke, you are my best friend”, she said whilst letting the other girl nuzzle her face in the crook of her neck, “But don’t tell the other idiots I said that because it will hurt their feelings...on second thought, maybe we should tell them so they’d stop destroying my badass reputation, huh?”

She felt Clarke smile at that. But that soon faded.

“Sure, you say that now...b-but...BUT everyone leaves me”, she begins to cry, “I-it’s true...e-every p-p-person I, I, I c-care about... they leave me. Even, even y-you l-l-left me for, for... Le- _her_ today”.

And there it was. The truth why Clarke’s reaction was so strong, as if it was the first time, hit Anya like a truck.

‘Stupid Anya. That was the single-handedly stupidest thing you could ever do. Choosing Lexa over Clarke, when the latter needed you so much on a day like this and giving Clarke time to think what day it was...YOU FUCKING IDIOT!!’ Anya mentally scolded herself. Her temporary forgetfulness of the occasion today made her hurt her the girl she cared about most in the world. She could only imagine how much Clarke felt betrayed and hurt. ‘IDIOT’

Clarke takes a deep breath to keep further tears at bay, in vain, “I, I g-guess. I guess there must be something wrong with, with me. Maybe, maybe I’m just unlovable. W-who c-could ever l-l-love me?”

Anya feels hot tears streak against her neck and then Clarke tries to break free of her hold but she doesn’t let her.

Anya truly feels for the girl in her arms, right now more than ever. All this girl had known was abandonment; her father left 2 years ago, he chose another family over her and her mother, another child over her; her mother was out of it ever since and she had unknowingly abandoned Clarke by throwing herself in her work and forgetting about her, again choosing work over Clarke...choosing her own self over Clarke; then the final blow was Lexa ... all of this happening in a matter of a few months.

Anya knew that Clarke blamed herself for Lexa choosing Costia over her.

“ _I’m just not good enough. I’m never good enough for anyone, Anya. Maybe, I pushed Lexa away by mourning the loss of my parents too much, not dedicating enough attention to her. Maybe I was letting her down every time I chose to stay at home grieving, I mean, they aren't literally dead...just to me...so maybe I deserve to be alone”,_ Clarke used to tell her a few months after the break up.

Anya, just like now, felt anger building up in her chest, anger at Lexa for letting such a sweet girl suffer alone whilst her world crumbled around her. And then adding herself to the equation.

“NO!”, Anya stated gruffly. Clarke looked up and seemed taken aback by this response.

“No”, Anya stated more firmly, “None of this is your fault, Clarke. Stop tearing yourself up for other people’s actions.”

She squeezed the blonde tighter to her.

“Listen to me, today I didn’t mean to leave you alone but when...well, when things _happened_ and Lexa called... I saw the opportunity to avoid further awkwardness...and ...and furthering making myself look like an ass.”

Anya breathed to reclaim her usual resolve, remembering why she was giving this speech in the first place.

“I didn’t abandon you, Clarke and I’m sorry if it seemed that way. I will _never_ abandon you. Hell, it will be the last thing I ever do in this life. So, no, you are not unlovable, Clarke. I refuse to let you think that you deserve not being loved. So, listen to me, loud and clear, and please believe me when I say this: The ones that left you _are_ the one who screwed up, and it’s _their_ loss. So, don’t you dare believe otherwise, Clarke. You got that, blondie? You will not get rid of me that easily, you know?”

At that Clarke smiled and croaked, “Never?”

“NEVER. I’m like a barnacle, even when you don’t want me, I will still be there. So get it into that thick head of yours, ok?”, I squeezed her fully and lifted her off the ground. Clarke gasped as I lifted her off and then she erupted into a fit of laughter. 

“OK, OK, I got it” she said hurriedly while laughing “Barnacle. Never leaving me, got it.”

“And don’t you ever forget it”, Anya said, content of making the blonde laugh, even if it wasn't a full on Clarke Griffin laugh, at least it was still something. Actually, Anya was proud to make her laugh, especially in situations like these, in which, once, only Lexa knew how to make her emit a smile. So, damn right Anya was content and proud by her achievement. Anya was ecstatic. 

“Duly noted. But, uhm, My Self-Proclaimed Barnacle, ma’am, could you please, put me down?”

“Oh, well and why would I do that, Blondie?”, Anya said with a mischievous smirk.

“Well, for one, your hands will eventually give out and you will have cramps. Or both. So, you could save yourself that embarrassment. But, also, I have some uneaten pizza and unwatched movies because _someone_ left early and I need help finishing them”, Clarke says with a glint in her eye and Anya knew she was teasing. “Oh, and also, my comfy bed, will also be waiting for whomever stays with me till the end of the movie marathon.”

Anya grinned, “Are you propositioning to me, Griffin? Is this your attempt of you trying to get me in your bed?”. She was happy that there was no awkwardness between them after what happened earlier.

Clarke reciprocated the grin before it turning into a smug smile, “Well, clearly, I do not need to get you in my bed to get what I want. If memory serves me well, I can get _that_ , on the couch by just being my charming self.”

Anya gasped at the streak of boldness coming from Clarke, all of a sudden.  Ow, and what that boldness did to her. Feeling more aroused than before and feeling embarrassed at the earlier occurring, she let Clarke go.

“There we go, Grumpy. Thanks, babe”, Clarke nonchalantly said, letting the term of endearment slip out, as she kissed Anya on the cheek. Then she turned on her heel and left to go and rearrange herself on the pretence of going to start the movies and get the pizza, leaving a dazed Anya behind.

Anya put her hand to her cheek, still taken aback by Clarke’s actions. Indeed, the way Clarke teased her about their earlier activities on the couch, followed by the term of endearment and the kiss made her feel like she was dreaming. Was she? Does this mean that Clarke didn’t mind what happened? If she does, well, she sure as hell isn’t showing it... “Two can play it that way, Griffin. Huh,  _So_ screwed” she muttered

Taking a shaky breath she finally manages to get herself into motion and goes to the room where she knows Clarke will, certainly, be waiting for her.

And there she was, on _the_ couch, waiting for Anya.

“Well, it took you long enough”, the younger blonde said smirking.

_Ow how I wish to wipe that smirk off your face, well, more like kiss it off..._ Anya shook her head to refocus her thoughts at the task at hand and walked towards the couch to sit down.

“You know, you don’t have to hide behind sass. It’s ok to admit that you can’t stay without me even if it is just for five minutes".

When she saw Clarke’s eyes widen for a second, she smirked.  _Round two begins, Blondie. Anya -1 Clarke-0,_ Anya thought to herself.

Clarke gulped, her eyes taking the dirty blonde’s body as Anya sat next to her. Then she scoffed, “Huh, in your dreams, Anya”.

Ever so quick to reply, Anya quipped, “Maybe so. For now, that is”, as she winked.  And Clarke cleared her throat, quickly blinked and turned to look at the tv faster than was physically possible. Anya mentally patted herself for her quick thinking,  _Anya-2 Clarke-0_.

They spent the night watching the DVD’s that Anya had brought, finding themselves being drawn to each other as the night went by, until they ended up cuddling on the couch, with their fingers intertwined. Neither woman said anything about their arrangement and after the last movie came to an end, they went to Clarke’s bedroom. Finding herself unprepared to spend the night over at Clarke’s, Anya had to borrow a tank top and gym shorts from Clarke, to sleep in. After they both changed, they silently got into bed, getting into a closer stance than they were in before. Indeed, as Anya got into bed, Clarke crawled over her and rested her head on her chest whilst intertwining their legs, sighing in content to hear the girl’s heartbeat.

Feeling protective of the other girl, and ecstatic of the fact that she was sleeping so close to Clarke and _in_ her bed, Anya wound her hand around the blonde’s waist and held her closer. The thought of leaving in the early morning or once Clarke was asleep crossed the older girl’s mind, but she quickly put it away for she knew that Clarke needed someone to hold her right now, _not_ another person abandoning her.

So Anya stayed and when Clarke’s breath evened out, signaling that Clarke was asleep, Anya whispered, “If only you knew how you stole my heart from the moment I met you, you would never think yourself unlovable.”

She kissed her temple.

“Goodnight, my princess. Sleep now, and forget about the idiots who hurt you”. Anya intertwined the fingers of her unoccupied hand to the one of Clarke’s, which was resting on her hip.

And as Anya let sleep wash over her, little did she know that the blonde was fully awake and was internally grinning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fic and I hope that you leave any suggestions you might have for me :) Thanks xx


	6. When Life Helps You Forget Until It Doesn't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting closer to the 2 year anniversary of Clexa's break up...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments, I really do appreciate all your opinions and suggestions :) Please keep them coming :D Also thank you all for the kudos and I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

[Chapter ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/15218701)6: When Life Helps You Forget Until It Doesn't

 

The following morning, Clarke and Anya were back to their old routine, both avoiding the inevitable talk they had to have about what happened the day before. They both avoided confrontation for they did not want to lose one of the most important persons that they had in their lives. So they both ignored it ever happened, little did Anya know that Clarke was constantly thinking about a certain midnight declaration. The following days were spent with Anya, Octavia and Raven having shifts of watching over and cheering the blonde, trying their best to make her forget about her parents’ abandonment. However, these were nothing but mere niceties compared to the anniversary they were preparing for; Clarke and Lexa’s break up, two years in two months.

Months after their break up, Clarke was still a mess, but as time passed she continued to heal. However, that did not mean that Clarke could fathom watching Costia and Lexa being all love-dovey together for more than 5 minutes without her friends’ support. Neither did it mean that she didn’t have mini break downs anytime something triggered a memory of Lexa or their relationship. But thank God for Octavia, Raven and mostly Anya, whom Clarke was relieved to find that although she was still friends with Lexa, she also protected Clarke like no other had. They had all heard her sob her days and nights away for the first few weeks, and heard the frantic screams as she woke up crying from a nightmare only to find out that this nightmare was her reality. As realisation used to dawn on her, she would cry harder until her body would pass out from exhaustion. Those restless nights holding the blonde seem so far away now, but still so close every time Clarke and Lexa’s breakup hit another milestone. So the three friends can already imagine what will be in store for them and Clarke, on the second anniversary of their breakup. Truth is they couldn’t have been more wrong.

As the weeks passed since _that_ night, Anya found herself spending more and more nights sleeping in Clarke’s bed, _just sleeping and cuddling,_ but that made her happier than she would ever like to admit aloud. Who knew that such a simple gesture between best friends could cause such happiness? Certainly not her. If only she knew that it was also bringing happiness to a certain blonde. But that was not the only thing that helped the blonde forget such sorrowful day. No, it most definitely was not just merit of the sleeping and cuddling together, but rather, the merit also goes to the routine they had recently developed as well.

Indeed, Anya and Clarke met most days, whether for 2 hours or for hours with no end and there was an unspoken agreement between them that made sure that the weekends were spent together, even though they were mostly spent in the same manner. Friday night they used to stay in and organise a movie night between them and their other friends, all other except for Lexa if it was at Clarke’s, but, with Clarke’s consent and Raven and Octavia’s dismay, she was invited whenever it was held at Anya’s. Saturdays were spent clubbing, and whilst Anya was always fine with staying in the side-lines and watching the blonde and her friends dance whilst chatting with Lincoln, she found herself being more than willing to join in whenever the blonde asked her to, with a challenging smirk and a mischievous glint in her beautiful blue eyes. The fact that their hands roamed each other’s body whilst dancing, fading more of their ever-lessening border line, did nothing other than encourage her further to dance with Clarke, until she finally didn’t need an invitation to join in but rather took her rightful place on the dance floor as soon as they entered the club, her place next to Clarke. Sundays were spent exercising their hangover away, well more like Anya and Octavia working their asses off and sweating their hangover away whilst Raven and Clarke blissfully watched them do so. And Clarke must admit that a she really did _not_ mind the view. Clarke never thought sweat could look good on anyone but obviously she hadn’t seen it on Anya before, because sweaty Anya did things to her that she could not even comprehend. Just like _that_ couch did every time it made her thinking about that one time her and Anya had lost control, which was every time she saw the damn thing.

However, as boring as a routine would seem to some, it didn’t bother them as much, since they were both realising that as long as they were in each other’s company, they were both on top of the moon. In fact, to Lexa’s annoyance, they had become somewhat of a package deal, for Anya had become more protective of Clarke, especially when Lexa was in the same room, and Clarke really didn’t mind at all such over protectiveness. Actually, she found it really endearing rather than suffocating, as she thought she would feel at first.

However, neither girl had confronted the other, for they were afraid of the consequences to admitting such feelings to each other. More so, Clarke was afraid that acting on such feelings would cause Anya and her friends, namely Lincoln and Lexa, to drift apart, and their friendship was already a mess after Anya started taking care of her. Also, although she knew that the older girl would never blame her if Lexa and her would never talk again, she did not want her to regret her decision or hurt her in any way. And by her she means Anya because she could care less if Lexa was hurt. No, that was a lie, because as much as the brunette hurt Clarke, she did not have it in her to hurt or hate her passionately. However, she would also be lying if she said that Anya’s feelings wouldn’t have been her priority in such situation, for she truly and deeply cared for Anya. Ever since the older girl started helping her, she felt more complete each passing day as ,little by little, Anya picked up her broken heart’s pieces and, together with Octavia and Raven’s help, tried to mend it. Maybe, thanks to her, she has finally moved on.

So, due to the blonde’s ever increasing feelings and emotions, that seeing Anya instilled in her and which brought her closer each day to revealing such feelings to the older woman, it was no surprise that the younger blonde forgot about a certain anniversary. That is until, a day before the latter, she went home earlier than expected and heard familiar voices arguing in her room.

“Ok, that’s IT! Step aside and let mama take care of this”, Raven’s voice was heard raging.

“RAVEN!! What the hell do you think you’re doing with that??”, Octavia scolded.

“What Clarke should have done in the first place! You both know that she will never get over her if she doesn’t get rid of this stupid _thing_.” Clarke could hear that Raven was dead serious from the tone in her voice, something which was very rare.

“RAVEN. PUT. THE. DAMN. THING. DOWN. Or I swear, Clarke would be the least of your worries!”, Anya said with utter conviction.

“Are you two serious? What the fuck is wrong with you GUYS?! This thing is baggage, _literally._ We all know-“, Raven started scolding

“No, Raven, she would never-“, Octavia stated at the same time

“-that she would be better off without it”, Raven continued

“-forgive you or us, if we let you do this”, Octavia simultaneously said.

“To hell with forgiveness, _she_ would never admit it, but she _needs_ this”, Raven’s voice was all but calm now.

“That’s enough! We are not discussing this any further. As much as I hate that thing, it belongs to Clarke-“, Anya started to say.

“But, trust me she-“ Raven interrupted.

“NO!! It’s Clarke’s, and it will be her decision”, Anya’s voice was rising with each word.

“needs this”, Raven pleaded.

“I know”, Anya sighed, “ but it’s something that she will do on her own, when she is ready to-“

“Ready to what?”, Clarke interrupts Anya’s explanation.

The three girls both turn around to look at the source of the voice, surprised at the newcomer.

“Ready to do what? Huh??”, Clarke was becoming angrier by the second as no answer came from the other three girls, who stood there and looked as if they had seen a ghost.

“Can someone, _please,_ answer me!!” Clarke demanded.

“Clarkey, you’re back!!” Octavia forced out.

“Y-you, uhm, you weren’t s-supposed to be here until later”, Raven flatly stated whilst Anya avoided the blonde’s gaze as the latter looked at her to try and get a clear answer to no avail.

“Thank you for stating the obvious. How could I ever li-“ she sarcastically started to retort when something on her bed being held by Raven caught her eye. No, not just something, but the something.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY BOX???!!” Clarke was furious, nobody touched her box, not even she herself. ‘ _How dare THEY!’_ Her mind roared.  

As the three girl’s eyes widened and looked at each other guiltily, preparing themselves to answer the now unapproachable blonde, Clarke remembered what day the morrow was and pieced everything together, as memories connecting to the box came back in full force.

“Clarke let-“, Raven started to explain.

“It’s not what-” Anya simultaneously said.

“We told Raven that-“ Octavia tried to say whilst looking frantic.

But none could finish their sentence as the seething blonde interrupted all of them with a very loud and clear “OUT!!”

They were shocked by her sudden outrage, but honestly what did they expect? After all were toying with the box containing all of the drawings of Lexa and the few belongings she left there when she fled in a hurry.

“You heard me. I. SAID. OUT. All of you. NOW. And Raven, leave the box where you found it” the enraged blonde commanded.

“Clarke, listen, please. My intention was-“ but Raven’s pleas barely leave her mouth before Clarke’s sternly speaks again.

“No. Let me stop you there. I know very well what your intentions were. You wanted to burn the box and its belongings. MY belongings. When will you understand that no means no?!”

“We were only trying to protect you fr-“ Octavia tries to help her friend who looks as small as a mouse under the blonde’s glare, which now turns on her.

“I DO NOT NEED YOUR PROTECTION!!” as the words leave Clarke’s mouth she knows it’s a lie, so she quickly tries to amend it after taking a deep breath to calm herself.

“Look, I know that you are trying to help me and protect me from the pain, and I truly appreciate what all of you have done for me these past two years. When I was broken ” she gulps as her eyes start brimming with tears, “ you helped fix up and I am eternally grateful. B-But, please, can’t you l-leave this o-o-one thing alone? I b-beg o-o-f you. I, I, I am n-not as s-s-s-strong” Clarke says as her voice breaks and tears fall down her cheek.

The three girls’ hearts break for the blonde’s pain and all they want to do is pull her in into a tight group hug, but they know better than that. For they all know that although Clarke’s façade seems calmer than when she was yelling, underneath her insides are boiling with fury and pain. Thus, they opt for not pushing their luck. Anya who was the most silent one during the whole ordeal, decides to intervene.

“Ok. We’re sorry. I hope you know that we are here for you, Clarke. We will leave if you want us to, but know that we will be a whisper away. We care for you, Blondie, that’s all. Do you want us to leave?”

Clarke nods and so they all make their way towards the exit of her room and as the two brunettes are about to exit, Raven murmurs “Sorry Clarke, please forgive me”, whilst Octavia whispers “We love you, Clarkey”. Clarke gives them a tight smile, but she is surprised when Anya turns around and says “Barnacle, blondie, don’t you forget it”. She winks at the younger blonde, and closes the door behind her.

The blonde smiles slightly, but as she turns around and glimpses at the dreaded box, she is reminded why she put it under her bed in the first place. Out of sight, out of mind. Who was the idiot who came up with that saying? Didn’t he know that once in sight, all memories come back running to you with full force. And so, Clarke collapses on her bed, next to the box, sobbing whilst remembering.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback begins

“Lexa…”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Flashback will fully start and continue in the next chapter. Hope you enjoy this chapter :)


	7. When Life Tries To Kill You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback - The first appearance of Costia and Clexa's inevitable breakup. Also Clarke finally makes an important decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To all Clexa lovers, please don't kill me ,I just had to show the break up. Anyways, to all readers, thanks for being patient with me and I really appreciate all the comments :) thank you for going on this journey with me :D I hope you enjoy the next chapter :)

[Chapter ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/15218701)7: When Life Tries To Kill You

 

 

 Flashback begins

“Lexa”, Clarke calls out.

 Today was the day. She was finally doing it. After a year of dating Lexa, she was finally taking the step that she had wanted to take ever since she met her. But she didn’t want to scare away the brunette, for she knew that she had had a bad break up and that she was still a bit wary. So Clarke had waited a whole year to ask her to move in with her, even though she knew she was completely head over heels from the moment she met the brunette. And today was the day she had been waiting for all along. In the morning she had gone to pick up Lexa’s custom-made key to her dorm, thinking that soon it will be theirs, it will be their home. But, who was she kidding? Home for Clarke wasn’t a place. No, it hadn’t been a place ever since she met Lexa, for she had become her one and only home, the place where her heart resided. But little id Clarke know that that was soon going to change, as once again, she was going to find herself cast out, abandoned.

She entered her girlfriend’s room and closed the door behind her. “Lexa, babe, I-“ the blonde stopped abruptly as she turned around and saw that her worse nightmare had come to life.

A gorgeous caramel skinned, chestnut haired girl sat on Lexa’s bed and they were laughing together. Her heart dropped in that instant, for she knew who this person was before Lexa even introduced her. The girl was more beautiful in person and by the glint in her girlfriend’s eye, Clarke knew that the brunette could see it too. The sudden excitement she had this morning and up until now suddenly faded, for she knew what was to come. How could she ever ask Lexa to move in with her when she had her ex-girlfriend back? The girl whom Lexa was never fully over; the girl who got away? ‘ _NO, Anya said she only wants me so I have at least a fighting chance, right? Yes, she is mine and I won’t go down without a fight. Never. Not unless Lexa wants me to let her go_ ’ Clarke thought to herself.

So the young blonde took a step forward and cleared her throat.

“Hey babe” she tempted and the two girls abruptly stopped laughing and looked at her with wide eyes, as if she had caught them doing something wrong, well did she?

 Lexa, who was now stumbling over her words as much as on her feet stood up and fidgeting said “Hi-i, Clarke. Uhm, I-I wasn’t ex-expecting you, uhm, until 3.”

 Lexa’s usage of her name stung Clarke right in the heart, for the brunette hadn’t used her name ever since they started dating since she started calling her by endearing terms, such as, babe, my girl, or Clarke’s personal favourite, my love.

“Lex, it _is_ 3.” She painfully said as she realised that her girlfriend had forgotten about time and her altogether.

The brunette seemed taken aback by this revelation. “Ow…I-I hadn’t noticed. Uhm, I guess I lost track of time, silly me”, she lightly chuckled to lighten the mood but nothing could make the atmosphere less tense. They stood there uncomfortably staring at each other, when Clarke decided to break the silence again.

 “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

 “Uh, yeah, yes. I mean, of course, uhm, how rude of me. Uhm Clarke, this is Costia”, Lexa said the girl’s name like it was precious, like she was precious to her. And right then and there Clarke knew, she knew there was nothing left for her to fight for because just by her appearance, this girl had already taken a hold on Lexa’s heart; a hold which she never completely had.

Clarke slightly smiled at the girl and then both her and Costia looked expectantly at Lexa.

“Ow, right, where are my manners today, huh? Uhm, Costia, this is Clarke. She is my bestfriend, I mean, uhm, I guess, she is my best friend but she is also, uhm, my girlfriend” the brunette introduced Clarke as she stumbled over the words, particularly over the word girlfriend, casting nervous glances between Clarke and Costia.

Clarke was hurt by Lexa’s demeanour since it obviously showed that Lexa didn’t want to tell Costia that she was her a girlfriend or was it that Lexa didn’t want Clarke as her girlfriend at all?

‘ _Perfect_ ’ the blonde thought, ‘ _of course she had to come back just as we were going to start our life together. Just amazing. And how could Lexa let her in so easily when it took her forever to let me in? I was right, she was never over her. Anya was right in part, there was never a competition, for it is obvious, Costia will always win._ ’

 As these thoughts were going through the blonde’s head, she tightly smiled at the other girl and shook her hand. Then the other girl stood up, hugged Lexa and said “Well, I have to go, now but it was nice seeing again Lex. We should hang out more, just like old times, after all, I am not leaving this time round.” She looked at a wide eyed Clarke, who had caught her insinuation, “It was nice to meet you Clarke, see you around Lex, bye.”

And with she left, leaving behind a very guilty-looking Lexa and a pain-stricken Clarke.

Clarke was right, that was definitely going to be a life changing day, but not in the way that she had thought in the morning. That was a day of firsts though, the first time Lexa chose Costia over Clarke, the first time they fought because of the same girl, the first time that had ended up in Clarke’s heart shattering more and more. The only time a fight like this had happened was when the blonde had accidently found the girl’s picture in Lexa’s drawer whilst looking for a boxer to give to Lexa who was showering. But, unlike last time, Lexa did not apologise for her clipped tone or cold demeanour towards Clarke. Yes, definitely a first, but not the last.

 And as time went on, the fights became worse and worse and Lexa was never there anymore. Well, she was never there for Clarke, at least, for everyone knew where she was going or rather to whom she was going to. Costia, the girl who has left destruction behind her now, same as when she had left Lexa before. But this time, it destroyed more than one person and relationship, for after she came, Clarke and Lexa’s relationship wasn’t the only one suffering. Indeed, Lexa’s friendship with Anya, Lincoln, Raven and Octavia was never the same again, for the worse.

 Lexa was becoming estranged to all of them for they did not condone of her behaviour towards Clarke but she waved off their worries until they stopped warn her altogether, for they knew, the cause had been lost since Costia had stepped foot in the brunette’s room. In fact, Lexa had become so estranged with Clarke that, regardless how many times the blonde tried to tell her and tried to look to her for consolation, she didn’t even know that Clarke’s father and mother had abandoned her. Every time Clarke started to open her mouth, Lexa just told her that everyone goes through a tough time and that it will pass. Then, she would leave a very devastated Clarke alone while she went out to drink with Costia, for she was trying to avoid another fight with Clarke. Little did she know that she was only making the situation worse, for she was only running from the problem by running straight to the said problem’s source.

 So Clarke fought her demons alone for the first two weeks, that is, until Anya, Raven and Octavia had unexpectedly come by to invite her over for a movie night and found her sobbing on the floor. After that night, whenever Lexa was gone, which was every day, they stayed with her consoling her about her family and her relationship with Lexa. This meant that Lexa was in the dark about the suffering that her girlfriend was going through (or had they broken up already?) because every time anyone tried to confront her she would just leave to Costia’s.

 However, one night, when Clarke drank some alcohol for liquid courage, the brunette could no longer run from the inevitable ending, and the truth she, herself, had caused it.

Clarke was fed up of Lexa always running away from her and right in Costia’s arms whenever she wanted to talk and confront the situation. More so, she was tired of always blaming herself for the failure of her and Lexa’s relationship and for the latter girl to continually shattering her heart over and over again. Due to the recent abandonment of her parents and Lexa’s she lost all artistic inspiration, hell, she had lost all inspiration to live. Why should she live when the only thing she always wanted to find, seemed to always reject her? A home. That’s all she ever wanted but now, she found herself having lost her only homes in only three months, leaving her with no home to return to.

 Earlier that day, Raven and Octavia had found her in this state, the suicidal state they called it, the one state too far. So, they grabbed her and took her to a bar to get her drunk enough to corner Lexa so to have a final confrontation with her and ‘cut off all of her bullshit’ Raven had said. After three hours of talking to her and drinking, they convinced her that she didn’t need Lexa or her parents to have a home, for they were and will always be her real family and her home; the only ones she could count on forever. Then they texted Lexa for her to get her ‘ass to back to her girlfriend’ whilst taking her back to her dorm and giving her a speech of how Lexa had become toxic for her and she needed to break it off. Once again they convinced her and when Lexa arrived, they locked the door to her dorm behind them and left Clarke do what was ultimately inevitable. For Octavia’s earlier words sung true to her now: _Clarkey, if you love her, set her free. Surely, if her heart ever belonged to you, she will come back to you. If she doesn’t and leaves without a fight, then her heart never belonged to you meaning she was never yours to fight for in the first place_.

 So with a heavy heart, the blonde turned around to face the person that she, now, both hated and loved passionately at the same time.

“What do you want, Clarke?” the brunette coldly stated avoiding her gaze.

“What I _want_ is not the matter here, but rather what I need is. No, what _we_ need.” The blue eyed girl breathed heavily before continuing, “I think it has been some time that we have needed to talk, but you kept running away from this inevitable conversation.” At that tone of finality, green eyes, wide with shock, met blue watery ones.

“Lexa, I think you should grab the things that you have here and leave, like you always do, but this time, please, never come back again.” Tears were free falling from blue eyes

Lexa couldn’t comprehend what was happening, or rather she did but she couldn’t believe that the blonde was indeed doing what she had been avoiding for two months. A lump formed in the brunette’s throat “What do you mean, Clarke? Are you breaking up with me? Are you giving up on us?”

 Clarke couldn’t believe the audacity of the green eyed beauty and just as quickly, her pain turned into anger “ WHAT US? I think you made it pretty clear, Lexa, that there is no us over and over again. Or have you forgotten how you blatantly lied to me yesterday, when you told me you had to stay in your dorm to study?”

 Anger flashed through green eyes “What are you talking about? I was studying wh-“

“Oh, cut the crap Lexa!! I saw you with Costia at the café” the blonde’s nostrils were flaring now.

“Y-you, wait what?” Lexa barely got out in her shocked state.

“Yes. I. SAW. YOU. So, I beg of you, don’t make this worse by lying straight to my face as well and pretending to look shocked. Or worse, hurt!! When we both know where you have been going in these past two months, instead of being with me!!” More tears flowed down blue angry eyes.

 “I-I don’t know what, what to say. I-I’m s-“, Lexa tried to say but Clarke was having none of it.

“NO. Don’t you dare, don’t you even think of saying sorry. You don’t get to say that or to say anything after what you put me through these two months.” Clarke cleared her throat and continued with much conviction, “I can’t take it anymore, Lexa. I love you, God, I’m so in love with you, but we can’t keep going on like this. We just can’t. Because I’m afraid there hasn’t been a ‘we’ ever since she came back into your life. And I guess it’s not her fault, or yours in that matter. No,” the blonde said, sounding defeated, “We don’t choose who we fall in love with. And, unfortunately for me, that person for you, is just not me.” She started full on crying now.

Lexa was overwhelmed with what was happening and looking into those blue eyes, she realised how hurt the blonde was and wanted nothing more than to envelop her in her arms as she stepped forward.

 But Clarke was having none of it. “No, p-please, d-don’t. Just, don’t.” she wiped her tears, “I’m done holding you back from what you really want, so please, grab your things, and leave” she dejectedly said.

“Clarke, don’t say that, I know I have been absent these-“, the brunette croaked, but, when hearing the brunette’s sorry excuse of an attempt to “fight” for them, when her eyes and behaviour showed no sign of wanting to fight, the blonde couldn’t take it anymore.

“ABSENT”, Clarke roared, “ REALLY?! YOU, have been ABSENT?! No, not at all!!” she venomously spat and humourlessly chuckled, “No, Lexa, you don’t get to excuse your behaviour and you certainly don’t get to fight for “us”, if there is any of us left. I have been trying these past two months, to talk this through with you, but you ran away to your dear Costia, everytime!”

Lexa was taken aback by the venom and hurt that was dripping from the blonde’s words. Has she really been that absent? So much so that she hadn’t seen the moment when this hurt and hate began to register in the blonde? But the answer she feared soon came, as the blonde confirmed her lack of presence in their relationship.

 “Tell me, Lexa, where were you when my father left my mother and I, with the pretence that he needed time to himself, to just go and live with another family, huh?”

The brunette was speechless now. When had this happened? How had this happened without her noticing?

 “Where were you when my mother threw herself at work and left me alone to take care of the mess my father left? Where were you, huh, oh perfect girlfriend? Ow, that’s right, you were with _Costia_.” The blonde’s eyes didn’t stop tearing now, “ I bet you didn’t even know that I was going through all of this, did you?”

The brunette shook her head, ashamed of how much she had missed. “Clarke, why, why didn’t you tell me?” she croaked.

 “I tried Lexa, but every time I told you that I needed to talk to you, you said you needed to study. So, every time, I gave you your space. Joke’s on me though, because I bet you weren’t actually studying, were you?” and when the brunette looked down, Clarke had had her answer. “Stupid me”

 “No, Clarke, d-don’t say t-t-that. Y-You, you’re not stupid.” The brunette tried in vain.

The blonde turned away to hide her now sobbing mess of a face. “Please, Lexa, just grab your things and leave. Leave, now. Leave, forever. Just because I cannot be happy, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. Go. Take your second chance with the girl you truly love. Grab your things, and go to her. Go to Costia.” She breathed heavily, “But, if, no, when, you leave, don’t ever come back to me. Don’t talk to me, don’t text me or even _think_ of contacting me.” She turned to look at a crying Lexa, “You owe me at least the right to move on. Please, leave.”

And with that, Lexa grabbed her things Clarke had put in a box and left, never to return or contact the blonde. The blonde collapsed on the floor as soon as she closed the door and continued to sob hysterically, knowing that she had lost the most important person in her life forever. And to what? To a girl who had broken her heart. And yet, the love of her life still chose her over Clarke.

Flashback ends.

 ----------------------------------------------------

Clarke breathed heavily, trying to stop her crying until she succeeded. She looked at the box and picking it up, she made her decision.

No more will Lexa plague her thoughts. No more will she let _her_ occupy a space in her heart. It was time to move on completely. It was time to allow herself to give _all_ of her heart to someone else.

Only _she_ could do this and she _has_ to this for herself now. No more will she let Lexa hold any power over her.

NO MORE.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updating ASAP :)


	8. When Life Warns You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya's POV and her guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for leaving kudos and for your amazing comments :)  
> I hope you like this chapter and please tell me what you think :D

[Chapter 8: When Life Warns You ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/15218701)

 

As soon as Anya closed the door to Clarke’s bedroom, leaving said blonde alone as she had requested, she heard a loud thump on the bed, what she assumed to be Clarke collapsing on the bed. She heard the blue-eyed beauty sob hysterically and her instinct was shouting at her to go help the girl in distress. And for a second, she was going to barge in there, losing all self-control, and hug the blonde like there was no tomorrow, but she knew better than to do that.

And as she turned around to make her way to the living room, each sob that came out of the younger girl, reverberated right to her core. She felt for her, she really did feel for the, once, invulnerable girl. Actually, she felt a little bit too much towards her. It was terrifying and exciting how much she felt connected to the younger girl. So much so, that Anya felt every shuddering breath the girl took as she grieved, as it registered to Anya as pain eating her heart out. She just couldn’t help it, for there was something in the blonde that was alluring to her whole being. From the moment she met the blonde she had realised that she was royally fucked, but never in a million years would she have imagined how much she could want someone so much. No, not just want, but need. She _needed_ Clarke more than anyone could ever fathom, herself included. The mere thought of talking to Clarke and becoming close to her made her smile, and the mere touch of Clarke sent her heart beating faster than its healthy to. Being close to the blonde was an indescribable feeling, it was as if she had missed oxygen all her life and now she could finally breathe.

She knows that she sounds like a hormonal teenage girl, so unbefitting of her 25 year-old self, but she can’t stop herself. Clarke just makes her feel so, so...alive. That’s the word. ALIVE.

At first, she used to chastise herself for feeling these things and thinking about Clarke in that way. Well, actually her old self, or rather her pre-Clarke self, would scold herself for feeling anything remotely close to what she feels for Clarke if she had felt them for _any_ girl. But, well, Clarke wasn’t _any_ girl. No, Clarke was, she was, Clarke, for no words exist to describe how amazing and perfect she is. And, of course, knowing Anya and her luck, she just _had_ to be her bestfriend’s girl. So for the year and few months Lexa and Clarke had been together, she had stopped herself, or rather tried really hard to stop herself from thinking about her in more than platonic ways. But now that Lexa had made it clear that she sees Clarke as second best to _her_ , Costia, making a a mess of the younger blonde and a fool of herself in the process, Anya couldn’t even control her thoughts let alone her feelings towards Clarke. And, in matter of fact, why would she want to control them? Why would she need to? Surely, crushing on your bestfriend’s ex crosses some lines, but, really and truly, by breaking Clarke’s heart, Lexa had given Anya more than enough permission for the older girl to swoop in and give the younger blonde the devotion and love she deserves. In the manner Lexa had broken the blue eyed girl, she didn’t even have a say in the matter anymore. So why should she care? Why does she feel guilty for loving Clarke more than she should?

Because unlike Lexa she is loyal. Because she cannot help but feel like she is betraying the brunette, whom she raised, whenever she thinks of Clarke in a more than friendly way. Because Lexa is like a sister to Anya. Was. Lexa **_was_** like a sister to her, once, but not now. Not anymore. Not after what she did to Clarke, sweet and loving Clarke. Not after running back to Costia. Ugh. How she hated that girl. She hated her for leaving Lexa heartbroken. She hated her for coming back. She had once also hated her for taking Lexa away from Clarke. But, she had long come to realise that Lexa’s mistakes and actions were not Costia’s fault. Sure, Costia had had the audacity to show up and flirt with a definitely-not-single Lexa, but she hadn’t forced Lexa to flirt back. She hadn’t made Lexa to choose her over Clarke. She hadn’t made Lexa to choose her over all her other friends, including Raven, Octavia, Lincoln and even herself. No, that was Lexa’s foolishness and now she had to suffer its consequences. Unfortunately, all of them had also felt its consequences as they were heartbroken every time they saw its effects on Clarke. Also, they had been missing the brunette’s constant presence for she appertained to their little family. For that’s what they had become along the years, family. But family doesn’t treat their own in the way she shattered the blonde. And family doesn’t hurt and abandon its members when it finds somewhat another family, if Costia can be seen as such. No, Lexa truly didn’t deserve to have any say in Anya and Clarke’s business. She had revoked the right to do so when she abandoned them all. So why did she feel guilty for harbouring such feelings towards the blonde?

Because Anya doesn’t hate Lexa enough to hurt her. No, she doesn’t hate her at all, no matter how much she wants to. Anya could never hate Lexa, the girl she had once called a little sister, now a person she can barely even recognise. However, Anya had to admit that she was disappointed in Lexa and her behaviour, especially her behaviour towards Clarke, which instilled in Anya also some resentment. Yes, she did resent Lexa a little bit, how could she not after hurting the people she loved? After hurting her family? But hate? No, never.

So she settled for making sure that Lexa felt guilty and responsible for all her actions by constantly reminding her whenever they saw each other. But she was now giving up on that notion as well, because what could Lexa possibly ever do to feel any less guilty? Nothing. Not even if she crawled back, begging them to take her back, on her knees. Nothing. The damage is done, the relationships shattered, the trust completely lost. Their family was irreparable. Thank you _Costia_. Thank you, Lexa.

But Anya felt partially responsible for this mess as well. She should have known better. She should have warned the blonde instead of reassuring her when Clarke had come to ask her about the girl in the picture. _Costia._ And as she made her way towards Raven and Octavia, who were on the couch, and heard sobbing cries, she remembered the day she had been foolish. What an idiot she had been for not facing Lexa and setting her straight. How stupid she had been to not warn the younger blonde that Lexa was still hung up on Costia. But what could she have told her when Clarke came rushing in her room? That she was a rebound? No, she could never say that for she knew Lexa had felt something far more powerful for Clarke. But, clearly, not powerful enough. She should have known better.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback begins

Anya had been quietly watching a Karate competition on the Sports Channel when the door to her room flew open and came face to face with a very angry and pain-stricken Clarke Griffin.

She was shocked at first, for she had never seen Clarke in such a state and act in such manner. Surely, whatever caused such hurt and rage had been grand to cause such effects. And the only person who could elicit such strong feelings from the blonde was one. Lexa. ‘ _What had she done now? That idiot_ ’, she thought to herself.

Snapping out of her stupor, Anya stood up and moved slowly towards Clarke, opening her arms as an invitation. Anya was never one who liked hugs, or any sign of affection, but she found herself thinking the contrary when it came to this particular blonde.

Clarke wasn’t one to deny hugs and acts of comfort, especially when she desperately needed it, so she rushed into Anya’s arms, making the other girl lose her balance for a few seconds. She silently cried in Anya’s arms, slowly wiping her tears away trying not to show her weakness in front of the older girl. Clarke hated being seen as anything other than strong, for she has never been otherwise. So when Anya felt some of the wetness on Clarke’s face, she tightened her hold, and knowing that the other girl did not want her to see, she tugged the blonde’s face under her chin. The younger girl nuzzled her neck as a way of showing her appreciation towards such gesture and they stood there in silence.

Until Anya couldn’t take it anymore. She had to know what Lexa had done to have so royally fucked things up. “What is it, Clarke? What happened? What has she done?”

Clarke shook her head and regulated her breath as if preparing to speak.

“You know you can tell me anything, right, Blondie? When you started dating dumbass, you inevitably got stuck with me as well. So, you might as well use it to your advantage for once, right? God knows I do. Annoying you is my new favourite hobby of all time”, Anya teased to try reduce the tension.

That always seemed to work on Clarke, and today was no exception as Clarke nodded and slowly loosened herself from Anya’s hold.

Clarke caught Anya’s gaze and as if on cue, Anya squeezed arms for encouragement, as she held her.

“I, I was going through Lexa’s drawer while she was showering, because she forgot to take in any underwear with her, when”, she took a deep breath, “when I came across a photo.”

Anya’s eyes widened. ‘ _Is she talking about **the** photo? Is Lexa so stupid to still have it?_ ’, Anya thought, ‘ _No, Lexa would never do this, especially not to Clarke._ ’ But, alas, the next words showed her that she couldn’t have been more wrong.

“It was a photo of Lexa with, well, with a pretty girl with caramel skin and chestnut hair. Please, don’t tell me that jealousy is getting the best of me, like Lexa said, because I _know_ what I saw.”, Clarke was getting angrier by each passing word, “That girl was more than a friend to Lexa, wasn’t she? I could see it in the way Lexa looked at her, the way they were grinning at each other in the photo. I tried to talk to Lexa about it but she shut me down said that it was none of my business”, the young blonde was breathing heavily now, “NOT. MY. BUSINESS. How is it not _my_ business, when she was with _my_ Lexa? But then it all clicked, I’m nothing more than a rebound, am I?” Tears were slowly rolling down her face again and her voice cracked, “Of course, of course, it’s not my business...because, because she was never my Lexa. She is _hers_. Will, will, she ever be m-mine? T-Tell me An-nya, please, t-tell me t-the t-t-truth. Who w-was she to, to h-her? Or s-should I s-say, is she t-to h-her?”

Lexa’s best friend was shocked by the raw emotions that flooded through the younger girl. So many emotions and feelings, all in one person. Anger, hurt, insecurity, vulnerability, resignation, betrayal all shown in Clarke’s face. So, even though Anya knew that it was not her place to give up such information, information that Clarke desperately needed to know, and that Lexa, clearly, did not want to share with her girlfriend, she couldn’t help it. Seeing Clarke in such turmoil made her ache for the girl, and besides, if Lexa was stupid enough to let a silly photo get in the way of her own happiness, well she is not. Later on, she would discover that Lexa was more than stupid enough to not only let a photo but also a girl, who had broken her heart before, to get in the way of her true happiness.

But, at the moment, Anya was not going to let a trivial matter fill the blonde with insecurities and, consequentially, let these and Lexa’s behaviour sabotage Clarke’s and Lexa’s relationship. That’s what family was for, right?

She took a deep breath and frowned at what she was about to say, “Her name was Costia”, she stated her name with disgust as if the name insulted her, “She is Lexa’s ex-girlfriend. They were together in high school”, Anya took another deep breath, her sharp features turning more and more into a very visible frown, “but she broke up with Lexa and soon after that she immediately moved to another state. Lexa was devastated. She was sure Costia was the love of her life, but obviously, she was wrong.”

Anya released her hold on Clarke but still held her gaze and with all seriousness in her tone stated, “But, I’m afraid, that is all I can tell you. I have already crossed a line by telling you this, so, unfortunately, if you have any other questions, you have to ask that dumbass girlfriend of yours.”

Anya could see the worry in Clarke’s face before she voiced them, “But, Anya, what if I am and will never be as good as Costia? Lexa is clearly not over her, otherwise she wouldn’t have held on to the picture, right? That’s why she didn’t talk about it when I asked her , isn’t it?”

As Clarke continued to mindlessly ramble on, Anya put a hand on her should and squeezed it tightly to gain the younger girl’s attention.

“Hey, hey, Clarke, look at me”, and the blonde regained her focus on Anya’s eyes, blue eyes gazing into beautiful amber eyes.

“Anya, I’ve seen the way she looked at her. She doesn’t look at me in the same way, maybe...maybe she never will. Maybe I’m not as good as Costia. How can I ever compete wit her?”, Clarke whispered for only Anya to hear, as if she thought that there was someone else in the room.

 Squeezing her shoulder tighter Anya honestly said, “No, Clarke. Don’t you even dare to think that way, okay? You can’t compete with her because there is no competition. You’ve already won, Clarke. Lexa _loves_ you, she only wants _you_. Nobody else. She is with you now. Costia _was_ once her love, but now that’s you”, she took a heavy breath, “You, Clarke, are the best thing that has ever happened to her. She would be stupid if she lets someone like you go. And, if I’ve learned anything through all the painful years I’ve known Lexa, she is many things, but she is definitely not stupid” ‘ _Stupid enough to date Costia and mope around after she abandoned her. And leave it up to Lexa to fuck up her relationship over a damn photo. I will have a little chat with the jackass if this continues’_ , she thought.

“So, believe me when I say that there is nothing for you to worry about”, but Clarke did not seem convinced.

“Oh, come on, Blondie, have a little faith in me. Have I ever been wrong? No. And, who knows Lexa more than I do? Nobody. Not even Lexa herself. So, trust me when I tell you that you don’t need to ask about Costia anymore, because she is not a threat, whatsoever. Besides, I’m sure that when Lexa is comfortable enough to talk about it, she will. It just takes her a little more time than normal people to open up, you know?”

Clarke knew that Anya was right, Lexa didn’t open up easily. Maybe she had gone about this whole issue wrongly. Maybe Lexa called her a jealous girlfriend because she had acted like one. Anya was right; she always was, especially when it came to Lexa.

So Clarke hugged Anya one more time and kissed her on the cheek, “You’re the best Anya. You’re right, I should let her come to me. Thank you and bye, Grumps.”

Anya stood there, feeling the cheek that Clarke had kissed tingle, “I know, always am and if you tell anyone about this, it will be the last thing you’ll say!”

She had no idea if Clarke had heard her call out, until she heard a faint “Your secret’s safe”

So Anya stood there thinking about the whole occurrence. Anya was satisfied of what she had accomplished, choosing head over heart by helping Clarke and Lexa out, when all she really wanted to do was kiss her and tell her that she could leave Lexa and choose her.

But of course, she would never do that to Clarke or Lexa. She cared about them deeply. She only hoped that she was right as always, I mean, she knew Lexa, right?

Flashback ends

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So Clarke had listened to her and in a way she too had been guilty of breaking Clarke’s heart for she had had a chance to warn the blonde and save her from heartbreak. But her love for Lexa had blinded her to see the truth, to see that she was no better than the girl who had broken her heart; to see that Lexa was using Clarke to get over said girl and the brunette had only unintentionally developed stronger feelings for the blonde. But not strong enough. She knew Lexa better than anyone, so when Clarke came to ask her, she should have known better.

So, all Anya was left to do now was feeling sorry for the younger blonde. Feeling sorry and responsible for her devastation. Feeling guilty for hurting the girl she loved with all her being by reassuring Clarke that Lexa would always choose her. But truly she wanted to mean that she would always choose her. And Anya couldn’t comprehend how anyone wouldn’t. Especially when the choices were between a bitch like Costia and a goddess like Clarke. Ok, maybe goddess was a bit too much, but Anya can’t help it, that’s the way she sees her. Only her. Only Clarke.

Guilty.

Guilty of loving Clarke.

Guilty.

Guilty of not saving Clarke’s heart in time.

Guilty.

Guilty for thinking too highly of Lexa.

Guilty.

Guilty for being blinded by love and loyalty.

Guilty.

That’s what she is, guilty. So it serves her right to love someone who can and will never be hers. To love someone who can and will never love her back. To love Clarke; the unattainable. Clarke who she was certain did not return her feelings. Clarke, who deserves all the love in the world but whom she doesn’t deserve. Her Clarke, who will never love her, no, not the way she does.

Little did Anya know that not far away in the future, life will take matters in its own hands and take care of everything for them, and Clarke would kiss all these thoughts away whilst Lexa, unknowing to them, would have the front seat to these affectionate touches.


	9. When Life Opens Up Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for an epiphany or shall I say epiphanies?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for taking too long but I haven't had the time to sit down and write.  
> Thank you for waiting, ow so patiently :)

[Chapter 9: When Life Opens Up Your Eyes ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/15218701)

 

NO MORE

And with that thought in mind, and the dreaded box in hand, Clarke slowly made her way out of her room. She silently moved about, knowing that she had wept and reminisced for hours thus the other girls, if still there, were definitely sleeping. But of course they were still there, sleeping in the living room after endlessly waiting for her to come out. She was wrong for using the word ‘if’ for there shouldn’t be any doubt that the other three girls would still be there. They had always been there for her but they made their presence exceptionally more known especially after her family’s conundrum and it increased, if it could, after her break up with Lexa. Indeed, Octavia, Raven and Anya, the latter being the latest and very welcome addition to their small crew, had become what she had been for the two brunettes all their life; a rock. Yes, they had become her rock, keeping her grounded and picking up the pieces of what was left of her former self, Anya included. Never once had they left her side, taking turns being next to her due to their work. Never once had they given up on her and to Clarke’s surprise, due to recent events, never once had they even thought about abandoning her. It was all thanks to them that Clarke is still standing. It was all thanks to the trio that the young blonde had been looking more and more like the Clarke everyone knew and loved; the friendly, charming, determined and confident one; the one who was not tormented by any insecurities; the one that never let anything deter her from getting what she wants; the one who could get any person falling to their knees with a bat of her eyes.

The Commander of Death. That’s what they used to call her, for according to her friends, anyone who looked into her eyes was a goner, spellbound to do anything for her, even die for her. Honestly, she laughed at this nickname; leave it up to her friends to turn something as stupid as flirting into something so dramatic. However, she couldn’t deny that her friends were right on one thing; her blue eyes enchanted many. She had found herself taking advantage of these sapphires, which together with her signature smirk; the Griffin charm she referred to it; she could attain many things, amongst others, procuring her friends and herself free drinks at bars. It also helped that she had a glass-hour body shape because many seemed to like her perky breasts and well-rounded arse. But still, she always thought that calling her the Commander of Death was a bit extreme.

But alas, this side of her had been fading ever since she had found the old picture of Costia and Lexa in her, back then, girlfriend’s drawer, for it slowly brought to the surface some of her insecurities. After her parents abandoned her, the Commander of Death was already buried deep down inside of her, and then Costia was the reason for its abolition, as she was engulfed by all her insecurities, making the once-always-sure-of-herself blonde think twice about every step she made.

But the Commander of Death had been slowly resurfacing until now. No, now it came all at once in full force, at this very moment; the moment she had decided to get rid of the last piece she had of Lexa. Indeed, she had lacked the certainty she had now for a very long time thanks to Lexa, but now, ow how certain she was now. And it was all thanks to the three girls sleeping in the living room. As she wandered silently further in the living room, she could see Raven sprawled out over the couch, with Octavia snuggling into her side, God what a snuggle-slut that girl is. On the other hand Anya had her head and back resting on the side of the sofa’s hand-rest and was settled on the floor, with only a cushion separating her from the cold surface. Clarke smiled at this view, ‘ _This would make such a perfect family picture’_ she thought. For truly, in this second, whilst gazing at them, she realised that this was her family now, her real and one true family. What was she ever thinking, crying for the ones she lost; for the ones who abandoned her without second thought; when she already had these amazing girls? Indeed, she won’t grieve for the others anymore for she knows now that she can leave without them, good riddance to bad rubbish, better now than later in life. But without these three, the three dummies she has grown to love more and more as time passes, no, she can never live without them. For these three had filled her life in ways that the Jake, Abby and, dare she say, even Lexa have never tried to, even though they could. But these three lovable idiots, they tried over and over and never gave up on her, even at her worst. And Clarke knew; she owed them everything, she owed them herself.

Oh how much she loved these three, her saviours, her people; the people who will always have her back and whom she will always have theirs. And she certainly will, now that she is back to her old self.  They have been her rock for so long, it’s time to take her rightful role back.

Clarke moved slowly towards them and silently as possible put the box down next to the sofa before making her way to kiss each and every one of them on their forehead, leaving Anya for last so that she could let her lips linger there longer. And thank God she did so, for when Clarke looked back at the dirty blonde after she kissed her temple, she found two beautiful amber eyes looking right back at her. The older girl was smiling at her with a tinge of red on her cheeks as if she were blushing. Well, not a _s if_ , but she _was_ actually blushing, for unbeknownst to Clarke, Anya, being a light sleeper, had woken up as soon as Clarke walked into the living room and had witnessed all the occurring. And maybe, just maybe she had taken note of the length of Clarke’s kisses and realised that the young blonde had given her a significantly longer one than the others’.

‘ _Saving the best for last_ ’, Anya thought as she smiled and looked back at Clarke.

“Hi, Blondie”, Anya mumbled in her raspy and husky voice, which the younger girl had come to know as her after-sleep voice.

“Hey, babe”, the almond eyed girl was now grinning at Clarke after hearing the term of endearment, whilst the blue-eyed beauty continued; “did you sleep well?”

“As well as one can sleep on the floor”, still thinking of the term of endearment the blonde used for her, Anya threw caution to the wind and took a chance on flirting, “But I don’t mind it, if it means I get to be woken up in that way.”

And when she saw the younger blonde blush, she smirked ‘ _Anya-3 Clarke-0 or maybe is my score 4 now thanks to the kiss…ow well, what matters is that she kissed me longer. Yeah, definitely 4’_

But Clarke quickly recovered, “Maybe if you always look as cute, it would happen more frequently”, she winked and it was Anya’s turn to blush now. ‘ _Fuck, that was so smooth of me. Nice, go Griffin Charm_ ’, Clarke internally cheered.

However, Anya wasn’t going down without a fight, “I’ll definitely give that a try”, she smirked, “Can’t wait to find out what kiss I’d be getting when I look fucking adorable”

The blonde’s heart started racing, for she realised that this was no playful banter. No, this was definitely flirting, on both sides. But before she could open up her mouth to throw back a witty response, Raven beat her to it.

“Will you two, _please_ , stop flirting?! Either you find a room to hump each other or shut the fuck up”, Raven grumbled, both startling the blondes, who were so focused on flirting with each other that they didn’t notice the brunettes waking up slowly, and making them deeply blush whilst Anya also glared at Raven.

“No, no humping in this house please”, Octavia groaned from next to Raven, “at least not while we’re in it. But, you can always come here and cuddle me more?”

Raven gasped, feigning hurt whilst glaring at Octavia, “Aren’t I enough for you, woman?”

“It’s not personal, but I’m always up for more loving from my sisters”, the blue-eyed brunette justified herself, “right, Clarkey?”

The youngest blonde smiled, “Right”, seeing their reluctance, probably checking her temper she said, “Now come here you big dummies, and give me some love”.

Grinning the brunettes came in for a group hug, “That means you too, Grumpy”, the blonde called when the older girl didn’t join in.

“Not a dummy, not grumpy”, Anya lowly grumbled, but joined in regardless, smiling in the process.

Silence fell upon the four girls, who sighed in content, until Raven, as usual, interrupted it, “Does, does that mean you forgive us?”

As if to reassure them, Clarke squeezed them tighter, “There’s nothing to forgive. You were only looking out for me, and although I do not approve of you being all sneaky behind my back, I do appreciate the thought.” Clarke cleared her throat, “Besides, you were right, all of you. That _thing_ has to be destroyed for me to move on, but, as Anya said, _I_ have to be the one to decide it and do so; otherwise, I would never get the last piece of closure that I need to heal. But, thank you, I needed that; it was a wakeup call.”

The three girls gaped at her, not expecting that response at all.

“So, just to be clear, you are _not_ mad at us, but _grateful_?”, Octavia cautiously asked, not wanting to prod too much and make the blonde lose her temper again, after all she wasn’t only called the Commander of Death for just her good looks.

Clarke chuckled at her friends’ nervousness, “How can I be mad at you when you were only doing what you thought was best for me? Besides, I could never stay mad at you guys, no matter what stupid thing you do. You guys are my weakness, you are this Clarke's kryptonite. You may be idiots, but I wouldn’t have it any other way because you are _my_ idiots. And I’m so lucky to have you. I love you guys.”

Reassured, they all smiled and hugged her tighter, the brunettes mumbling “We’re the lucky ones” whilst the older blonde stating “We love you too, Blondie”.

And within each other’s arms Anya, Raven and Octavia realised that Clarke had finally come to the conclusion that they had reached a long time ago. Yes, they will always miss Lexa for she was once a part of this family, but the latter won’t crumble without her. Indeed, they did not need her to rebuild what she almost destroyed, no, certainly not. For all the family they ever need was now each other; the only people they can always count on, no one else. And certainly not Lexa; a lesson well learnt for all of them, including her eldest best friend. So they indulged in this moment and remained silent, content just being, until Clarke remembered something.

“Uhm, Raven?”

“Present and reporting for duty”, Raven chuckled

“Ha ha, hilarious”, Clarke said sarcastically

“I know”, the brunette said smugly

“Is there a point to this conversation, besides Raven getting a bigger head than she already has?”, Anya grumbled

Octavia burst out laughing, “At this rate she her head will barely pass through any door”, she continues laughing.

“Hey, I’ll-“, Raven says as she glares at both of them.

“Actually”, Clarke interrupts, “there _is_.”

“What is it then, Princess?”, Raven flinched at the use of the name as soon as she said it since everyone knew Clarke hated that nickname.

Clarke gave her a death glare, “The box”

“Oh…”, Raven was dreading the use of the nickname more and more now, considering the heavy topic.

“Yeah, well, I wanted to know what you were going to do with it”. Clarke said nonchalantly.

“Uhm, well, I think this is something we should talk about when your arms aren’t in such a position that can easily strangle me”

The blonde huffed, “Ok, fine. I’ll end the hug and sit on the floor, this way it’ll take me two seconds more to reach you and strangle you. Now stop being so dramatic and answer me”

As the brunettes straightened themselves on the sofa, the blondes sat down on the floor, sharing the cushion Anya had been using previously and Raven started talking, “Well, uh, I, uh, I thought that I could, well, burn it in today’s bonfire and finally get rid of it for you, without you knowing. But _someone_ ”, she gave Octavia and Anya a glare, “decided to start following their morals _today_  and that’s when you came in, the morals argument", Raven huffed, "Stupid morals couldn't wait until tomorrow. Traitors”.

The young blonde chuckled at her friends’ antics and now all eyes turned on her, all wide in surprise for her reaction, “Well, I’m glad that at least not _all_ of you are corrupt to the core. Maybe you can still be salvaged", she winked at them, "However, Raven, I would have appreciated it if you’d consulted me about it”, Clarke’s face turned more serious, “Besides, you really didn’t think it through, I mean, I was going to _be_ at the bonfire. You’d really thought I’d miss you walking with a box in your hand?”

“Uh, but that was already sorted as well”, everyone looked at her in disbelief, “What?! I’m not a genius for nothing, you know", her friends quirked a brow, as if it was rehearsed, "Wow, thanks guys. Ye of so little faith. Of course I had already something planned out. I already had Niylah as a distraction for ya, my little sweet thing.”

“What?!”, the other three girls all jumped on her. 

“Well, I know that you barely know the girl, Clarke, but she has been admiring you from afar and has a crush on you. And since you desperately need to get laid and I needed a distraction, I thought I could kill three birds with one stone.”

“Raven, what did you DO?”, Octavia balked at her.

“Well, I, uh, I may have encouraged her to pursue her interests? I mean, I merely told her that tonight could be a perfect time to get Clarke’s mind off of, well, _things_ , by reminding her that other’s do still, uh, desire her?”, Raven said these words as though she was asking, terrified of the others’ reaction.

“Things?! Desires?!”, uttered Octavia looking at her unbelievingly.

She looked towards the blondes to see the damage control she’d have to do later, but although Anya seemed murderously pissed off at her as if she’d just stolen her girlfriend away, Clarke was taking it better than expected.

“Oh my God, Raven. You do know I have to see her tonight, right? How will I explain to her this mess?”. Clarke asked genuinely.

“Yeah, I know, I’m – Wait, what? You’re still coming tonight? After, well, after _that_?”, Raven asked incredulously the question that both Octavia and Anya were also thinking.

“Well, yeah, of course. Actually, after what happened, I definitely have to come to Lincoln’s bonfire because I was thinking, no not thinking, I was going to burn the box there. That is, with your help of course, unless you mind?”, Clarke asked insecurely as if crossing a line.

The girls couldn’t believe what they were hearing. This was all they ever wanted for Clarke; to move on from Lexa. And burning the box represented exactly that; the tearing of Lexa’s bondage with Clarke and her hold on the blonde, finally severed forever, hopefully.

“YES”, “Definitely”, “Finally”, Octavia, Anya and Raven all spoke on at the same time, their replies being those respectively.

Clarke sighed in relief, “Ok then. Thanks guys, this means a lot to me. The end of an era, the turning of a new leaf”, she grinned at them in a manner which they haven't seen her do since Lexa and right then and there they realised that she really meant it.

“YEAH, that’s our Griffin”, Octavia jumped in her arms with glee.

“Let’s kick some ass, Blondie”, Anya said as she squeezed her shoulder in the way she always did to show her affection in front of others.

“OH, HELL YEAH. Look out people, the COMMANDER OF DEATH IS BACK. I repeat, SHE IS BACK”, Raven cheered whilst gesturing at Clarke in a dramatic way.

Clarke looked at all of them cheering her on, ‘ _Oh what the hell, a little theatrics with these guys never hurt anyone_ ’, so she relented by standing up putting her hand on her hips, “And she’s here to stay”, Clarke said, winking and smirking with the so-called Griffin charm.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

So they spent the day thinking of what to wear and ways to dramatically burn the box, until they finally settled on just burning the whole box in one of the bonfires, except for Lexa’s shirt and Lexa’s favourite drawing that Clarke drew for her on the brunette’s birthday. No, those they were leaving for last and they were going to destroy them slowly, separately from the rest of the box, just because they held so much more significance to the blonde.

The night soon feel upon them and they found themselves at the bonfire, the box already disposed of, left alone, slowly burning in a corner where nobody could get hurt. After that, Anya told Octavia and Raven to go and enjoy the bonfire and that she and Clarke would join them after they had burned the last two items. They protested for a while, but Lincoln and Bellamy soon came and took them away, after having deciphered Anya’s silent message. So Anya and Clarke were walking towards the quiet side of the beach, where nobody was so that they could finally get rid of the last two items in privacy since these two meant so much to Clarke. But before they could make it, Clarke was intercepted by a very tipsy and flirty Niylah, whilst Anya was whisked away by her ex-girlfriend, Luna, regardless of her protests. However, Clarke’s mind was on nobody but Anya and what that good for nothing ex-girlfriend of hers intentions were, whilst Anya was frantically trying to look over Luna’s shoulders, trying to see if her worst nightmares were coming true, only to have her sight blocked by her ex again. Her heart felt heavy, if Niylah tried something with Clarke, would the blonde even stop her? Would Anya? No, Anya did not have that right and, after all, Clarke did say she was going to put herself out there again for real starting from this night. And by the way Niylah was getting all handsy with the blonde, before she was so rudely snatched away by Luna, Anya was sure that Niylah was eagerly waiting to snatch Clarke away already and show her what she had missed for two years; the touch of another woman.

However, all Anya’s efforts to look were to no avail and all of a sudden her face was cupped by Luna’s hands and she was kissing her. ‘ _WHAT. THE. HELL?! WHO did she think she IS? THIS BITCH, this I-don’t-do-monogamous-relationship BITCH is kissing me! OH. MY. GOD! IF Clarke sees me now, she’ll think I’m just like Lexa and I’d never have a chance THEN. GET. OFF. ME!’_

“GET. OFF. ME!!”, Anya yelled as she pushed her off.

“Oh, come on baby, I just want to have a little fun. Please, baby, make me cum, I know you want to”, Luna slurred as she pinned Anya and locked her in one of the police position, that Luna being Lieutenant definitely knew how to use, to the sand as she began kissing and grinding on her.

Anya continued to scream and push her away, but her saviour soon came to her rescue.

In the meantime, Niylah had been getting too touchy for Clarke’s tastes and she realised that she could no longer act nice anymore. So the younger blonde gently pushed the other girl away and kept her at arm’s length.

“Listen, Niylah, you’re very nice and sweet and I can see that you really like me, but, I barely know you, and to be frank with you, I don’t think I want to because I, well, my heart is already set on someone else. So please, can you go and enjoy the bonfire with someone else?”

“Oh”, the other girl’s face instantly fell down and Clarke felt for her, “Does she feel the same way?”

“I, um, I don’t know but I will never find out if I stay here, now will I?”, She gave the other girl her best Griffin charming grin hoping to lift her spirits up. “But, hey, I can definitely use a friend as amazing as you.”

Niylah’s eyes instantly shone with hope, “A friend?”, and when the blonde nodded, she said, “Yeah, I’d like that. I’m sorry if I came on too strong, I just _really_ like you. But I, I understand...and I, I'd really like to get to know you.”

“Yeah, I’d like that too Niylah. Thank you for being so understanding", the blonde smiled at her and as Niylah was turning to leave, she continued, "And, Niylah, I know someone who’d definitely jump your bones right now.”

“Really?”, she turned around and said blushing.

“Yeah, follow me, we need to go get Luna.” And so they made their way towards the secluded beach that her and Anya were going to, knowing fully well that Luna had dragged Anya there because she had seen her. She was prepared to see Luna making advances, however she wasn’t expecting, well, _this._

Luna was grinding on Anya and kissing her neck in a somewhat very rough way. ‘ _Maybe Anya likes it rough_ ’ she thought to herself as she felt her heart sink and her stomach drop at the idea that Anya might want this. But then, just before she turned on her heel, tears already forming in her eyes, she saw Anya trying to push Luna off her, or at least she thought she saw it. Maybe it was her imagination, showing her what she wanted to see. Either way, it couldn’t hurt to go and make sure, and as her and Niylah arrived, Clarke realised that she was right. Anya did not want this as she was pushing Luna away and screaming at her to get off her but the other girl just repositioned herself on top of Anya and continued.

“WHAT. THE. FUCK. LUNA! GET. OFF. HER. NOW!!” Clarke yelled at the top of her lungs.

Luna immediately slackened her grip, being startled that she was caught and right at that instant a very furious Anya pushed her off and stood up, spitting at her.

“You BITCH. Don’t you EVER touch me again!”, Anya screamed.

Luna, who was brought out of her lustful and drunk haze at the violent outburst, seemed to realise what she had been doing and its gravity. She crawled backwards and slowly stood up with her hands on her head as a sign of surrender. “I-I-I-I’m s-s-sorr-r-yy. I-I-I, I d-don’t know what’s g-got-t-t-ten into, into me”. Her terrified eyes shone with sincerity and remorse. “P-p-please, forgive m-me, p-p-please. I-I’ll leave y-y-you alone, p-p-please”

Anya looked at her, ready to pound her to the ground but Clarke stepped in because she knew it would be for the best to not cause any more drama. “I think you should leave, Luna. Niylah please take here away from here”, Clarke said sternly and Niylah nodded and started dragging Luna away.

As Niylah and Luna were out of hearing range, Anya loudly sighed in relief with tears in her eyes. Never having seen the older girl in such a state Clarke immediately embraced her, leaving room for the other girl to remove her hands and reject her, whilst she whispered to herself “What is it with the people I love and their clingy ex-girlfriends?” However, Anya had heard the remark, and this made her content and let Clarke envelop her in her arms, to the other girl’s surprise. Then she quietly cried whilst Clarke soothed her. After an hour had passed, Anya removed Clarke’s hand from her. The younger blonde was already waiting for the rejection as her heart ached for both the girl before her and what was to come.

But Anya surprised her again. She wiped her tears away, smiled at her and took her hand in hers as she began to drag her further away from the bonfire towards the quieter and tree-filled side of the beach. In the meantime Anya was haunted with the girl's previous words: ' **What is it with the people I love and their clingy ex-girlfriends?** ' She contemplated whether she had heard right. ' _Did_   _Clarke just say she loves me?'_  . But there was only one way to find out, she had to wait for Clarke to make a move, but this time, she would reciprocate, she  _had_ to. Her heart depended on it, whilst her head strongly opposed it. Head over heart, right? Maybe, maybe not so.

When they arrived at a distance from where they could barely hear the bonfire’s loud music, Anya stopped and turned to look at Clarke, offering her a lighter.

“Ow, Anya, you know I don’t smoke.”, the blue-eyed girl meekly said.

Anya chuckled, “Oh, my, Blondie is truly befitting for you. No, it’s to burn the last two things, you know, from the box”, Clarke was going to protest that Anya needed her more right now but Anya silenced her with her glare, showing her that there was no room for further discussion. The golden haired beauty huffed, which made the older woman smile, but she conceded, if only just to see that smile again.

However, the younger girl did not take the lighter from Anya’s hand and as the dirty blonde was going to protest, Clarke shut her up with one word, “Together”.

Anya was taken aback by this. She never thought that she would partake in something so meaningful for the blonde. She hoped that the blonde knew what she was insinuating when saying that word; that she wanted to start a new beginning with her. But she could only hope so she built herself up for disappointment. She was sure she was overthinking the matter more than Clarke had and the word probably didn’t mean anything to the blonde. Clarke was only being polite when saying it so that Anya wasn’t just watching. She couldn’t have been more wrong. Clarke knew what the word implied, she chose it for that very reason. The message she was trying to convey with that word was loud and clear: Together we bury all our ties with the, now, non-existent Lexa and together, we start a new tie, between us. Together, always, together.

As they sat on the sand, Clarke put the items on the ground and looked at Anya, nodding at her to signal that she was ready. Anya was going to light them up, when Clarke interlaced the fingers of their touching hands, stunning Anya from continuing.

“Clarke? Clarke, w-what are you doing?”, Anya barely got out.

At Anya’s sudden and unusual shyness, Clarke felt a rush of boldness, ‘ _It’s now or never_ ’ she thought. The liquor was also definitely helping. “What I should have done on that couch”, Anya’s eyes widened, “Show you that I care for you, well, as, more than a friend.” Clarke was suddenly feeling nervous and realised that she could be rejected. So given the older girl’s earlier episode with her ex, she leaned in slowly, keeping eye contact with those beautiful amber eyes, checking to see any sign of hesitance or rejection, and stopped before her lips met Anya’s, so as to leave the other girl a choice.

Anya’s heart was hammering as if it was pounding on the flesh that kept it caged in her body. ‘ _What the hell is happening today?  First the box, then Luna, now this? Although this is a pleasant surprise. No,_ _Clarke is leaning in, she wants to kiss me, this is more than pleasant. CLARKE GRIFFIN wants to kiss ME._ ’ Anya thought, as she looked down at Clarke’s lips which were in close proximity and back at those cerulean blue eyes, which seemed to be getting more vulnerable as time went by. As she looked down and up again contemplating whether she should take the plunge or let Clarke get over her, for surely the latter was what was best to avoid any drama, she saw Clarke’s defeated look. She knew what those eyes were telling her; _“you’re abandoning me too, aren’t you? I’m so stupid, nobody wants me, why would you?”_. NO, Anya will not ever let Clarke think so. Not if she had anything to do with it.

And as she thought so, the older blonde closed the distance and met the blonde in a hungry and desperate kiss, as if both were each other’s oxygen. Anya let the lighter go on the items and used her hands to cup the blonde’s cheeks whilst the blonde pulled Anya closer by her neck as they devoured each other’s mouths, their tongues fighting for dominance, but obviously Anya won. She bit the younger blonde’s lower lip, making the latter moan and distracting her enough for Anya to start swiping her tongue anywhere she could reach; starting with her lower lip and ending with entangling their tongues. Anya sucked on Clarke’s tongue making her moan, and that sound sent all her blood rushing downwards. Oh, how she wanted to take her right there and then, making Clarke scream her name like a mantra, making love to her until she forgot about Lexa. And those thoughts were what snapped Anya out of her lustful daze, unlike Clarke, who was starting to nibble on Anya’s upper lip, eliciting moans from the older girl and enjoying every sound she could elicit.

Anya realised that they were moving too fast and that a talk had to happen before anything could continue, so she reluctantly pulled Clarke’s face slightly away from her. When Clarke felt Anya’s hands pushing her cheeks away, she understood the message and slowly moved away, opening her eyes in alert, thinking she had done something wrong. Anya reassured her that nothing was wrong by smiling at her, a smile which reached her eyes. So Clarke, who was still panting, tried to control her breathing but to no avail because Anya, her Anya had kissed her back. Looking at Anya she signaled the other girl with her eyes to explain.

And so, by squeezing her hand, Anya prepared herself for what seemed to be going to be a very heavy talk.

Little did they know that, Lexa, who had come searching for Anya to check on her after hearing the earlier ordeal from Luna, was standing behind the nearby trees, watching the whole scene unfold with watery eyes, her legs unwilling to move and her eyes unwilling to look away.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please keep the kudos and comments coming :D Thank you for reading this fic :D Updating as soon as possible.


	10. When Life Shocks You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things for Lexa start looking very very badly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone :) I apologise for the long wait but school started and I couldn't get it done fast enough. I will try to update in a week but I can't promise anything. I'm truly sorry and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Don't forget to comment :D Thank you and see you next time :)

[Chapter 10: When Life Shocks You ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6081525/chapters/15218701)

 

Lexa had been looking forward to Lincoln’s bonfire all week, because she was finally going to see him and Anya; her family, or at least they once were. And although she knew that they were still there for her if she ever needed them, she also knew that ever since Costia came back in the picture, they got distant, _very_ distant, almost like strangers. No, not almost, they had become strangers to her and she to them. But she couldn’t blame them. They had taken a disliking to Costia ever since she had introduced her to them. Needless to say, that dislike grew into resentment and hate when she broke Lexa’s heart. Lexa constantly choosing her over Clarke, or as they had stated “cheating on Clarke with her”, when Clarke was still her girlfriend, did not earn Costia any points in her favour for her friends had taken a liking to Clarke immediately and grew to love the blonde almost more than they loved Lexa herself. So she understood when Anya started taking care more of Clarke rather than of Lexa after their break up. And she didn’t mind it when at the club Lincoln started staying more on Octavia’s side rather than crossing sides ever so often, after Clarke broke up with her.

Except that she _did_ mind of this coldness because she didn’t know what she had done to merit it.

Except that deep down she did know.

She had abandoned Clarke, crushing her to bits, whilst also neglecting all of her other friends, Raven, Octavia, Anya and Lincoln included. But she couldn’t admit it, not yet, soon, but not yet.

So, no, she did not understand why they were taking Clarke’s side, after all _she_ had broken up with Lexa, not vice versa. Whenever Lexa started to entertain the idea that she deserved the treatment for estranging herself from all of them; her family; Costia would always remind her that she did nothing wrong, she never cheated on the blonde and that put Lexa’s mind at ease again. Of course, deep down she knew that she had not cheated on Clarke, not literally, but what she had done was much worse. For she took her heart from Clarke’s grasp and had given it to Costia, the girl who had broken it in the first place, whilst still having a hold on Clarke’s heart. But alas she had left the latter uncared for, unattended and unloved because she was too preoccupied gaining Costia’s heart, thus taking the one she already held for granted. No, she had not literally cheated, but she had betrayed Clarke and her trust nonetheless. However, what she didn’t know at the time was that thanks to her poor choices, she wasn’t going to lose just a girlfriend, but she was going to lose her bestest friend. Because that was what Clarke was once to her, her bestest friend, even better than Anya, althought the latter was a difficult feat to achieve.

But her bestfriends’ love for the blonde wasn’t the only issue. No, ever since Costia came back, Lincoln and Anya had been constantly nagging her not to trust Costia and calling her a fool if she ever did so. Of course, these argument escalated quickly to full blown fights when she started spending more time with Costia, favouring her over all the others. As time went by the fights got worse, ending with Anya calling Lexa a fool for her poor choices and Lincoln telling her that she will soon lose everyone if she doesn’t treat them better. But she never listened to them and as soon as the fights had started, they had also ended. But the fights weren’t the only thing that left from her life.

No, indeed not. Along with the fights, any contact between her and her two bestfriends had also almost vanished completely, except for when she saw them at the club. The latter two showed concern for her no longer, because, unknowingly, she had already royally fucked up everything. Indeed, in time, she was no longer invited to any events except for these monthly bonfires for the reason that, well, **everyone** was invited to these. But Anya and Lincoln were not to blame for stopping inviting her, after all there is only so much rejection they could take. Lexa hadn’t wanted to reject their invites but Costia was never invited and after all the fights they had been having about Costia, she was not about ask them to invite her. Because Lexa knew that if she asked them so, she would have been given an ultimatum; them or Costia; but unknowingly, by never going, in their eyes, she was still making a choice. Besides not being invited, Costia always asked her to stay with her whenever there were these event. And what Costia wanted, Costia got, for the green-eyed beauty could not risk losing her again by being unsatisfactory. Later on she would regret her decision but that was not then, and that was certainly not now either, not yet at least. Whenever Lexa had wanted to go because she both missed them and was witnessing the effects of her rejection, Costia would merely shut her up by stating that they should understand and that if they didn’t, then they weren’t true friends. And on the rare occassions when Lexa tried to argue, her girlfriend put her in a trance by telling her that she didn’t need them for she had her and that’s all she needed. And Lexa didn’t need much convincing, if at all, to believe her, for she had believed that even when she was still with Clarke. And that was Lexa’s mistake.

So, Lexa was more than ecstatic for this bonfire, hoping that she could try to rekindle her friendships. Sure, she still texted them and she had had small encounters with Lincoln and Anya, such as when Anya jumpstarted her car, but these exchnages were considered pathetic next to how they used to interact before. And after how weirdly Anya had reacted last time she saw her, when she helped her with her car, Lexa had a newfound determination to start mending what was left of her friendships, starting with Lincoln’s and Anya’s. Indeed, Lexa was determined to not let her bestfriends become estranged to her further. How had they become so estranged without Lexa even noticing? When did it even start happening? Why did it happen in the first place? How could she let this happen?

Lexa still denied it with all her might, but one word fit as an answer to all of those questions: COSTIA. The root to all her problems was Costia. But Lexa was too blind to see it. It’s true what they say, love is blind, but fools are even more so. And Lexa fitted both of those. _So_ damn blind.

“Costia, my love, are you dressed yet? Hurry up or we’ll be late!”, Lexa shouted as she was entering her room to check on Costia. She found Costia putting her make up on.Strangely enough, it looked like whenever these events occurred, and the more they were in a hurry, the slower Costia got herself ready, as if she was doing it to be late on purpose.

“Yes, Lexa. I’m just putting on some make up, cool it, will you?!”, Costia said loudly, “So what if we are a little late? It’s not like we’re going to miss anything!”

Lexa looked sternly at Costia from behind her, meeting her eyes in the mirror, “We’ve been over this already. I told you that this time was going to be different. We can’t keep showing up for 2 measly hours, when the bonfire lasts about 6. Besid-“

Costia turned abruptly, locking eyes with her once more and cutting her off, “We have the _same_ damn bonfire with the _same_ damn people _every_ month. Two hours are more than enough considering that said people don’t even _like_ me. _Or_ acknowledge me, for the matter.”

Lexa was taken aback by the animosity in her girlfriend’s voice and eyes. When had this developed? Certainly, this hadn’t been there when she dated Costia before the girl moved to another state, before Clarke. No, that Costia was so sweet and kind that she wouldn’t even think of hurting anyone, let alone resent them with such a passion. But she had hurt Lexa back then, so truly, how much did Lexa actually know the girl? The answer was all so clear to her once-family, but to Lexa? To Lexa, neither the question nor the answer was clear. But not for long.

“ _I_ happen to like going to that _same damn bonfire_ and those _same damn people_ are my friends, my family, my every-“

“Were”, Lexa looked at Costia wide-eyed at the girl’s statement and went silent for a few seconds.

“ ** _Excuse_** me?”, Lexa’s eye flashed with hurt and rage. Feelings which she had brought all on herself by distancing herself from said family.

“Yes? Is there a problem, _Leksa_?”, Costia firmly stated approaching the brunette in defiance.

‘ _NO, how could she? She fucking did it on purpose!’_ , Lexa internally conversed. She had flinched at the way Costia said her name, she never said her name that way; pronouncing the ‘x’ in her nbame in such a way. Only one person ever did that. Clarke. And Costia knew this. Everyone did. Only Clarke.

When Lexa didn’t respond Costia continued,” Cat got your tongue, babe? Or is the truth too hard for you to handle, huh,  _honey_?”, Costia sarcastically spat.

However, Lexa had recovered enough by now to respond,“ _What_ truth Costia? Please enlighten me!”, Lexa was trying very hard to keep her cool.

“Oh, _please_ , spare me. You know which truth. But so that I  remind you, they _were_ your friends, _were_ your family. Once. But not now. So please just-“

“How dare you?!  They have always been there for me and I can always-“

“So where are they now, huh? Tell me, _Commander_ , where  is this family of yours now, huh?, Costia knew she had taken it too far by once again using a term Clarke used to call Lexa, but she wouldn’t relent. She couldn’t help it, she hated Lexa’s friends, because besides the fact that they constantly reminded Lexa of what Costia had done to her before, they were also too nosy for her tastes.

In the first year, after Lexa left Clarke, everywhere she looked they were there. It seemed like she couldn’t get rid of them, but alas, she didn’t have to because Lexa had done that all by herself. Costia was glad that Lexa no longer had two guarding dogs and their packs by her side. Indeed, that made it easier for her to have some fun when Lexa wasn’t around. No, she didn’t cheat on Lexa, she just harmlessly flirted with any person who caught her eye and showed interest in her. She loved Lexa, she felt safe with her. But she was not in love with her, at least not in the way Lexa was with her. Maybe once, but definitely not now. Besides, can anyone really blame her for trying to find something to occupy her time with and relieve the boredom whenever Lexa wasn’t around? And now, without Anya and Lincoln and the _others_ , namely Octavia, Raven and Clarke, Costia could do whatever she wanted without getting into a fight with Lexa. She didn’t blame them, they were only looking out for Lexa but if her girlfriened was so stupid to abandon them with just a word from Costia, then she didn’t even deserve them. Maybe Lexa did deserve _just_ her after all.

By the way that Lexa had treated her so called family, she deserved far worst than just a cold shoulder, and Costia knew this. No, Costia took pleasure in this. She didn’t used to be like this, this cold hearted bitch, or at least she wasn’t to this extreme; for surely she had to have some form of coldness in her to just leave Lexa without a second thought. Selfishness. That’s what it was. She always put herself first. Changing state was better for her than just staying with Lexa, no matter how much she loved her. Besides, she knew that she wasn’t going to be affected as much as Lexa had been all those years because the poor brunette was still hung up on her. And Costia knew this as soon as she contacted said girl a few months before she appeared, to ask inform her she was back and wanted to see her. She thought she was going to be met with reluctance from the brunette after what she had done to her, but instead she was welcomed with opened arms, regardless that the brunette had a girlfriend. Costia had felt bad about said girlfriend, for she knew the pain she was suffering, the same pain she had felt when she was in another state and fell in love with a delectable womanizer. But Lexa didn’t seem to notice or mind the girl’s pain, no matter how much Clarke tried to reach out for her. Costia felt sorry for Clarke and envious of Lexa, for how Lexa had managed to make someone as amazing as Clarke; who was previously known to be a party girl and a teasing flirt with commitment issues; fall so deeply in love with her as to want to settle down for good, was beyond her. She had to be honest, she hated the girl at first, thought she could be competition, but that hate soon turned into pity. The state of Clarke’s love for Lexa reminded her of how much she had been in love with Nia, the girl from the other state.

But after said girl had won her trust, become her bestest friend and her lover, Nia cheated on her. Well, she had been cheating on her from the start and when Costia confronted her, Nia had merely smirked and told her that she had been a fool to think that she would ever be tied down to just one woman. Nia had told her that she wasn’t in love with anyone, but loved all woman dearly and would never give up this lifestyle. Costia had cried but Nia and her ways soon coerced Costia to try polygamy out. At first Costia didn’t accept, so Nia made Costia watch her and any other girl fuck each other by sending her pictures and videos of such occuring. This broke Costia’s heart relentlessly, and Nia reminded her that to make the pain go away she had to join them. When asked why she was torturing Costia, Nia had firmly said that she was doing her a favour by teaching Costia that there is so much more to life than falling in love with someone, because after all love was weakness. Weeks of torment had passed and Costia hadn’t taken Nia’s offer, until one day, she found Nia fucking her older sister in her own bed. Whilst her sister had seemed embarassed, Nia was not. Actually, she was rather fond of herself and told Costia, who had felt betrayed by her sister, whom knew about what Nia did to her, that she had also had sex with all of her bestfriends. Costia had felt utterly betrayed and disgusted at how nobody could be trusted so she gave up and let Nia fuck her any time, in any way and at any place on one condition; that Nia helped her ruin her ex-bestfriends lives. Nia had smiled evilly and accepted the idea right away. As she got revenge over her friends in some way or another, Nia introduced her to the world of BDSM and forced her to take part in threesomes and orgies. Actually Nia introduced her to any sexual activity on the book for said girl had a mental condition that made her constantly crave and think of sex. And just like that, little by little, the once sweet and trustworthy Costia was chipped away and replaced by a cold hearted bitch with a sweet exterior, whose selfish trait had only increased by Nia’s teachings. She no longer believed in love or trust. No, she believed that love was weakness and she intended to make others see it by making them fall in love and cheat on their partners with her. The cheaters would be getting what was coming to them whilst the devastated partners would get a wake up call.

Costia hadn’t contacted Lexa to make her one of her pawns. No, she had genuinely contacted her to talk to a friend, something that she hadn’t had for a while. She had known Lexa to be reliable in the past and as soon as she contacted her, she realised that the girl was still madly in love with her. Seeking comfort after about a couple of years in turmoil, Costia flirted with the brunette and sought her as a safehaven. She was shocked when she found out that said girl had a girlfriend, for Lexa was returning Costia’s advances without hesitation. And when Costia met the beautiful blonde, she realised that Lexa didn’t deserve such a girl, for even if Lexa didn’t literally cheat on the girl, she was cheating emotionally. But that was none of Costia’s concern, it was Lexa’s and if the brunette wasn’t even the slightest bothered, then neither was she, besides obtaining the unattainable was not only fun but flattered her to no end. So Costia sought out her safehaven, over and over again, and eventually, the blonde broke up with Lexa. Besides, as Costia saw it, she was only doing Clarke a favour; opening up the blonde’s eyes before it was too late for her to see that Lexa wasn’t in love with her, or at least not enough to choose Clarke.

Clarke.

The beautiful, boutacious blue-eyed blonde that Lexa was stupid enough to let go. Costia acknowledged that and was envious that Lexa had found such a smart, sweet, caring, honest and trusthworthy girl. Not to mention breathtakingly beautiful and sexy, so much so, that Costia had been lusting over said blonde since she met her.

Costia had become also envious of the amazing friends that Lexa had, Clarke included. They would have killed for the brunette, and yet blinded by love, Lexa rejected them all, one by one. Once again, Costia concluded that Lexa was a fool in love who didn’t deserve such affection from these people, why couldn’t she had been so lucky? True, she had Lexa head over heels for her, but Lexa had been using Clarke to get over her and so she was not as reliable as she had once thought her to be. ‘ _Well I guess everyone has their own coping mechanism_ ’, Costia had thought to herself when she realised that Clarke was just a rebound for Lexa, a rebound who was lucky enough to make Lexa fall for her. But not fall hard enough.

Costia loved all the attention and safety Lexa provided for her and as time went by she even started to love Lexa, but she was not in love with her. Not like she was with Nia. No, never again would she let herself fall in love with someone, at least not consciously. However, whenever she and Lexa went to the club, where Lincoln worked, she did find herself eyeing a certain blonde. She just couldn’t take her eyes off her. At first she thought that she was only being attentive, to check if Clarke was making a move to take Lexa back. Then she concluded that she was only looking at her because she pities the blonde’s poor state. But as time went by, and Clarke got better, she still couldn’t stop staring and she found herself admiring the girl’s curves. So she concluded that she was just appreciating God’s gift to the world; such a beautiful woman. But nowadays, she was catching herself smiling when she saw the blonde smile and eagerly awaiting to see her. But Costia wouldn’t admit that maybe, what she was starting to feel for Clarke, was more than just lust and desire. It couldn’t be. She didn’t even know the blonde, apart from what Lexa had told her. She had never even spoken to the blonde except for that one encounter in Lexa’s dorm.  But the fact that Lexa still praised the girl, when Costia knew Lexa wasn’t in love with her, well, that showed that Clarke was one hell of a girl. No, Costia couldn’t fall in love again, especialy with someone she didn’t even know, so she made herself believe that the unattainable simply allured to her. Yes, that was it. First Lexa and then Clarke, the unattainable. The thrilling challange to conquer someone out of reach. That was definitely it. That’s why it bothered her when she saw her and Anya looking at each other with such love in their eyes. That’s why she hated the idea of them being together, because the challenge of being the reason why the blonde broke it up with Lexa was more than enough. She did not need more obstacles. That’s just it, no feelings, just hating the advantage her competition had on her. Just allured by what’s unobtainable.

 Yet she couldn’t stop herself from thinking that if she were Lexa, she would never let that family and Clarke go. Those friends were a pain in the ass for Costia for they hated her, but they really had Lexa’s back and she was envious. So _so_ envious.

 So she really couldn’t help it when her words came out as venom,“Oh that’s right, barely talking to you, barely acknowledging your existence, and not even caring to check if you’re still alive. I don’t know why you still insist on going to this stupid bonfire. It’s not like they want you there, so why would you want to?”

Lexa’s heart was now pulsing with rage and pain, it was like Costia loved reminding her that she had been losing everyone, just like she had once lost her,“I _want_ to go because _I_ miss them. I _miss_ them, so damn much and I’m not going lose an invitation to yet another event. An event which is kind of a tradition to us. An event which _you_ are invited to, no matter how much you claim that they hate you!”, Lexa takes a deep breath, to steady the fury and hurt erupting from her, “ I miss them, ok? All I’m asking you is to be on time for this _one_ event. Just this one. Please. I’m tired of having this argument every month, on the date of this particular event, each single time. All I want to do is to enjoy the bonfire with my friends”, Lexa’s anger ahd diminished but her pain had respectively increased, leaving her eyes teary and her voice barely audible by the second.

As much as she was a cold-hearted bitch, or she wanted to be, Costia still felt for her girlfriend and felt guilty for causing such pain to resurface, but she couldn’t let them reconcile with her girlfriend, otherwise she would lose the control she had over Lexa. So Costia stated as innocently as possible, “Okay Lex. I understand. It’s just that I know they hate me. I’m only invited because almost anyone is”, Costia approached Lexa slowly opening her arms to hug her tightly, “I’ll try to be on time next time. You know that I wouldn’t want you to lose your friends because of me, right? I know how _important_ they are to you, baby, I would never do that to you. But they hurt you and left you alone for Cla- _her_ ”, Lexa who was getting into the embrace raised her head quickly to give her a warning glare indicating Costia to not go there and to not blame the blonde, and Costia quickly got the message,“I just try to look out for you because you are _my_ Lexie and I won’t let anyone hurt you baby”, Costia spoke softly.

At hearing the nickname and terms of endearment, Lexa’s anger and hurt dissipitated and instead she was compelled by her girlfriend’s soothing words and the soft kisses she was now trailing from her jaw to her neck. The previous argument was soon forgotten, along with the time as Costia started fondling Lexa’s breast with one hand whilst unzipping and unbottoning her jeans with the other. As Costia slipped her hand in Lexa’s folds, circling her clit and nibling on her earlobe seducingly whispering, “Let me make it up to you, baby”, earning a shuddering breath from the brunette, she knew she had won. ‘ _Looks like we’re still going to be late to that stupid bonfire. What a shame. And you were so looking forward to it, my dear. Seems like you still prefer me than your “family”’_ , Costia internally chuckled as she relentlessly fucked her girlfriend’s brains out, making sure to tire her out; tire her out enough for her to want to leave the bonfire shortly after arriving, making their stay as short as possible. As Lexa cried and moaned in pleasure over and over again, cumming continuously by her girlfriend’s talented hands and tongue, Costia couldn’t help but smirk in satisfaction at achieving her aim. The two guard dogs will be pissed at them being late again, at Lexa choosing her again, at leaving early again, and will shut their caring side off, leaving Lexa unprotected, and ultimately leaving Costia to do as she pleases with Lexa and anyone else.

\-------------------------------

Lexa’s car literally flew to the beach, leaving skid marks everywhere. They were late, again, and she was also very tired from her previous activities, meaning that they would have to leave early, again. Strangely enough, this always the only event that Lexa arrived late to and was to tired to stay for long. The only event she could meet her family and she always screwed it up.

Not this time though. This time she was determined to make it right. She had faced a minor set back because she was already exhausted and late, but, Lexa had already made up her mind that as soon as she arrived at the bonfire, she would talk to Lincoln and Anya and fix a date to meet up with them. She only hoped that they would accept her proposal, and not reject her, as she had done so many times to them. But not even taht would stop her from trying, for Lexa was a girl on a mission; to mend the severed ties. That included also mend the ties with Clarke, but Lexa didn’t know how the blonde would react to that, after all the things she put her through, so she was going to stay away from her for now.

As soon as she arrived, Lexa urgently parked in front of Lincoln’s car, closing him in, and literally dragged Costia to the bonfire. She found Lincoln chatting with Bellamy whilst both were keeping an eye on an already very tipsy Octavia and Raven who were dancing close by. However, at times Lincoln would also give a deadly glare to Luna, who was sitting sobbing in a corner, enveloped in Niylah’s arms, whilst the latter encouraged her to drink water. ‘ _What in the hell was that about?_ _’_ Something in the back of her mind nagged Lexa, ‘ _Well, maybe if you hadn_ _’_ _t been late, AGAIN, you would have known_ _’_. Lexa sighed in exasperation and made her way to Lincoln, dragging a very reluctant Costia with her, earning her dark glares from the two dancing brunettes.

“Hey Linc”, she looked to her left and with a nod acknowledged, “Bellamy”.

Bellamy’s eyes flashed with anger, surely revisiting the days when Clarke had chosen her over him, to end only in Lexa screwing Clarke over. He signaled to Lincoln that he was going next to Raven and Octavia, and without acknowledging her, he left. Yes, he was definitely remembering the fact that Clarke wasn’t in love with him in the way that he was with her, in the way she was with Lexa, in the way Lexa was with Costia. And at seeing Costia there he was definitely restraining himself from hitting Lexa, he always had wanted to hit her as he was jealous when she had dated Clarke, but ever since she broke the blonde’s heart, Bellamy had become more protective of Clarke and more aggressive towards Lexa.

“Lexa”, Lincoln stated with a tinge of excitement showing in his voice, excitement which immediately left as he looked next to her and his next words left his mouth, “and Costia.”

Lexa knew that none of her friends approved of Costia, but Lincoln was the most polite about it, showing it in ways that only people who knew him best would notice, and oh, how Lexa noticed.

“I didn’t think you were coming”, his eyes flickered to Costia as if explaining how he reached this conclusion, “but I’m glad that you did”.

Lexa looked him in the eye to check for any sign of lying but both his eyes and his smile were purely genuine. More than satisfied with his response, the brunette grinned and opened her mouth to reply but her girlfriend beat her to it.

“Oh, trust me, Lexie couldn’t resist cumming today even if she wanted to, which she didn’t”, Costia smirked.

 Lexa’s cheeks became red with both embarrassment and anger at her girlfriend’s not-so-subtle revelation. Yes, they had been late because Costia was fucking the brains out of her, but the brunette did not want to give her friends another reason for her and Costia to be uninvited to these events. Always arriving late and leaving early was already putting them at a disadvantage, and if they knew the reason behind it was Costia, well, Costia could kiss her invitation goodbye, and due to that so would Lexa; for Lexa knew that if Lincoln didn’t do it, then Octavia and Raven would gladly call the shots on that one. ‘ _Serves you right; choosing Costia over them, like always_ _’_ , a voice in her mind stated. True, Lexa didn’t understand how Costia always got hornier than usual on these occasions with her friends, so she made a mental note to ask Costia about it later, or at least to remind herself to not let Costia distract her again. She had done so many times but was bound to fail. Maybe this time will be different. Maybe determination will help her get her shit together. Or maybe not.

Lexa looked at a very confused Lincoln, after glaring at her girlfriend, “What _Costia_ means is that I wouldn’t miss this event for the world, Linc“

“Bullshit!”, came a voice from behind; a voice which Lexa knew appertained to a certain brown-eyed brunette; none other than Raven.

She turned around to find a slightly tipsy Raven and Octavia with Bellamy behind them.

Octavia giggled, clearly more tipsy than Raven, but not tipsy enough to not know what she was saying, “Yeah! You missed the last two, so why is this one any different?”

Without missing a beat Raven responded, “Isn’t it obvious, O? She actually came to this one. Late. As always, but she’s here”, she looked smug and feigned an incredulous look at Octavia.

That earned her a hearty laugh from Octavia, a smirk from Bellamy and a grunt from Lincoln, subtly reprimanding Raven.

Lexa was hurt by the coldness in the girls’ tone and eyes, which seemed to be ever-present when, or rather, if, she talked to or looked at them. In the absence of her response, Costia started to do so for her.

“Well, is-“

“-Let me guess”, Raven interrupted, “you’re going to tell us that it’s better late than never, before coming up with some lame-ass excuse to leave here early. Did I get that right, or did I get it _perfectly_ right?”

At that both Costia and Lexa were rendered speechless. ‘ _Nothing gets passed them’_ , Costia thought.

“Right. That’s what I thought”, Raven scoffed, “Well-“

“Raven”, Lincoln lowly growled as a warning.

“Babe, let her say this”, Octavia silenced him whilst giving him a _don_ _’_ _t-you_ _’_ _dare_ look.

“Why don’t you just do us all a favour, shove up that shit-load of an excuse up your asses and don’t attend at all! If you don’t want to be here, nobody is forcing you to, so spare us the lies.”

“That’s enough”, Lincoln lowly growls.

“No! She’s right, Linc,” Octavia defends, “She _always_ does this! She barely stays for _two_ fucking hours. Every. Damn. Time. We’re not stupid, you know?! I doubt she does this when she’s out with _other_ ”, Octavia quickly glares at Costia to emphasise her point before looking back to Lincoln and then to Lexa, “people. Clearly, this event is not as important to her.”

“And clearly _we_ aren’t either”, Raven states with finality in her tone. She turns her gaze from Lexa to Lincoln, never acknowledging Costia, “We’re going to kick Luna’s perfectly-shaped ass”, Octavia quirks an eyebrow at her and Raven answers her silent question, “What? She may be a horny psycho but she’s _hot_.”

As Octavia was going to answer Bellamy clears his throat and finally talks, “Do you want to join us, since Anya is kind of like _your_ sister?”

“Yeah, I’ll be right there, after I talk to Lexa”, Lincoln sternly said.

“Suit yourself”, Raven huffed, and with that they turned on their heel and left towards Luna and Niylah, leaving Lexa and Costia shocked and looking at them.

Lincoln; who although thought that his girlfriend and Raven had been harsh with Lexa had to admit that they were right; cleared his throat, preparing himself to apologise for their behaviour. ‘ _Just blame it on the alcohol, Linc. Yeah, that should do it_ ’, he mentally conversed.

At hearing Lincoln clearing his throat, both Lexa and Costia turned, the latter still shocked at the brunettes’ boldness whilst the former adorning a grimace, which only grew, surely letting their words sink in.

“I’m sorry Lexa. That was over the top. Don’t mind them, it’s the alcohol talking. And then they’re already pissed that they can’t find Clarke and Niylah made things worse before she lost her. And Bellamy was being his over protective self. Not to mention there was also the Anya thing-“, Lincoln started rambling. It was very unlike him but he did not know how he was going to cover up for Raven and Octavia without lying. And if there was something he wouldn’t do was lying, ever. This made the task at hand very difficult for he knew that the young brunettes were only telling the truth so he mentally listed all the occurrences that actually happened and could be used as excuses and started voicing them by rambling until the green eyed brunette, who was finally gathering her surroundings, stopped him.

“Wait, Linc, woah,” there were many things that Lexa wanted to ask, like what happened to Clarke and what did Niylah do to her; the latter made Lexa’s stomach drop for Niylah had shamelessly flirted with Clarke even when she knew that Lexa was her girlfriend, so she couldn’t even imagine what she would be doing to her now that she’s single, or at least she thought Clarke was single. She didn’t know, but someone would have told her if she weren’t, right?

Either way it was none of her business. And yet she felt this tugging feeling in her stomach that was compelling her to ask, so in order to try to ignore this feeling and avoid making a fool out of herself, she occupied herself with one other very important question that has been nagging her through the whole conversation.

 _What_ Anya thing? What happened? And where is she?”, Lexa asked vigorously, suddenly remembering what Raven uttered about kicking Luna’s ass and couldn’t help but think that the two were connected.

Lincoln’s eyes widened for a second, surprised by Lexa’s sudden agitated demeanour, before he schooled his face back to its normal calm self. “Don’t worry about it, we’re taking care of it. Actually, Clarke already took care of it so-“

“Lincoln”, Lexa said sternly.  

“-everything’s under control. You should just enjoy the bonfire and-“, he continued, trying to distract her; baring in mind that since Anya was with Clarke, the last person that both of the girls would like to see is Lexa.

“Lincoln”, the brunette’s voice was an octave higher, showing her growing frustration and trying to reprimand him.

Knowing very well that Lexa would not give up now that she had set up her mind on finding out what happened, relented, “Fine”, he sighed, “Before you came here, Luna dragged Anya to the beach whilst we were all, um, indisposed”, his cheeks turned slightly red, remembering the make out session he and Octavia were having whilst it all happened.

The brunette raised her brow as Costia gave him a knowing smirk. Oh, how much he wanted to wipe that smirk off in so many different murderous ways. Lincoln was never one to lose his cool demeanour, but every time he saw this girl or even thought of Costia and her taunting gaze, all he wanted to do was punch some manners into her. And after was she had done to their little family, that desire increased for he knew, then more than ever, that Costia was simply no good. Finding these thoughts pervading his mind, he cleared his throat and refused to let himself dwell on the many ways he could use to get rid of her. ‘ _Maybe spending so much time with Raven, Anya and Octavia all at one go was not such a good idea. I should seriously start separating them_ _’_ , Lincoln berated himself whilst opening his mouth to continue his explanation.

“Anyways, Luna, was already drunk by this time and, as she always does even when she’s sober, she pursued Anya, in a, well, how do I put this, um, in a very aggressive manner. But-“

“What did she DO?!”, the enraged brunette growled.

Looking straight into emerald eyes, Lincoln had no other way but tell her the truth, he took a heavy breath, “She pinned Anya down on the beach and grinded on her, literally trying to get herself off on Anya’s body. But-“

“WHAT!?”, Lexa could not contain her anger because what Luna had done was outrageous, no matter how hammered she was.

Lincoln flinched but knew he had to quickly continue the story before Lexa did anything brash, “BUT, Clarke went looking for Anya and stopped them before she could do so or forced herself further on Anya.”

Relief suddenly washed on Lexa, although she couldn’t help how her heart clenched when she heard that her ex had gone looking for Anya. Why was she looking for her? Surely, there were other friends Clarke could hang out it so why go looking for Anya? Putting those thoughts at the back of her mind, mentally making a note to come back to them, she asked, “And then? What happened then? Where _is_ Anya?”

“Well, according to Niylah, Luna got distracted when she heard Clarke yelling and that gave Anya the chance to push her off. Needless to say, Anya was pissed and although she wouldn’t admit it, Niylah said that she was a bit shaken”, he sighed, “After, Luna apologised immediately and Clarke told Niylah to take her away from there. Ever since, Luna has been sobbing in that corner with Niylah holding her and nobody has seen Anya and Clarke. “

Lexa gave him a confused expression, “And what? Nobody went out looking where Anya might be?” ‘ _And Clarke_ ’, she mentally added, not wanting to voice it aloud, knowing that her girlfriend was holding on to every word she was uttering, by the look she was giving her.

“Uhm, no, why would we? They’re probably on the beach burning-“, Lincoln stopped himself abruptly and faltered for a second before trying to cover up his mistake, but Lexa, who was now narrowing her eyes at him, had noticed, “I mean, we know that Clarke is with her. And as long as they’re together, we’re sure they’re fine. Besides -“

“So you just let them be!?”, Lexa asked incredulously, getting angrier by the fact that Lincoln was hiding something from her whilst also not going after Anya. Also, the fact that Clarke and Anya were alone, on the beach, in the moonlight, doing God knows what, was not really helping either. Why the latter was pissing her off more than she cared to admit, Lexa didn’t know. It really shouldn’t. She had Costia. Clarke was not hers anymore. She hasn’t been her s for a long time. And that was Lexa’s choice. Maybe it was just the tinge of betrayal she felt at the thought of _Anya_ , her bestfriend, with Clarke, her ex, was eliciting such emotions. Probably. It had to be. After all, did she expect for Clarke to pining after her? No, she shouldn’t have and she didn’t. Or so Lexa told herself.

“Well, yes, they’ve only been an half an hour gone so-“, but Lincoln was once again interrupted by Lexa.

“ _Only_? Are you kidding me?! What if something-“, but this time, having had enough, Lincoln was the one who interrupted the conversation.

“Stop! Lexa, just stop!”, the brunette was astounded by the fierceness in Lincoln’s tone and eyes. She was not used to be on the other side of that look, because she had never been before. How things had changed.

As Costia was going to open up her mouth to defend her girlfriend, being the ever so caring girlfriend,  or rather, showing to be so, Lincoln glared at her for a second before fixing his eyes on Lexa and continued, “You’ve said enough already. Just, please stop.”

He looked at the ground dejectedly for a second before lifting his gaze once more. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, “Listen, Lex-a,” uttering the letter ‘a’ as an afterthought, “I know that you mean well and I know that you’re only being a worried friend, but, truthfully, you acting like this is not going to help. Also, to be frank, you’ve been absent from our group events a lot lately and if you’d have attended, you’d know that you shouldn’t be worrying so much about those two, _especially_ when they’re together. Because if you thought they’re a force to be reckoned with separately”, Lincoln chuckled lightly, “well, you should see them when they’re together, which is all the time nowadays,” brown eyes shone with love and pride, “Hell, they’re totally terrifying, nobody, and I do mean _nobody_ would try to mess with them. Ask Bellamy. They both cornered him when he wouldn’t stop asking Clarke out and-“

Lincoln stopped suddenly, realising he had said to much and shook his head slightly as if to rid of the memory and looked away for a second to gather his thoughts and put his emotions in check. It was so easy to slip back into old habits and that’s what he’d just done by recounting that story to Lexa. If it were another time, talking to each other about these misfortunate but hilarious occurrences would be normal, as they had done this so many times before. But, unfortunately, now was not that time because this Lexa was not that Lexa. No, this Lexa was not their Lexa because their Lexa would have never abandoned them for anything in the world. But this Lexa, well, she had chosen a girl over all of them, repeatedly. So, no, she was definitely not their Lexa. She was Costia’s little puppet. Costia, the only constant “friend” that Lexa had left. Costia who had been there all the time and was hearing everything with utter intentness. That thought brought Lincoln out of his reverie.

 “But, that’s a story for another time. Anyways, as I was saying, Anya and Clarke can take care of themselves,” he sighed deeply, “but, if it sets your mind at ease, you can come with me and personally talk to Luna and Niylah. Since they were the only ones present they could recount the story better and only they know which direction Anya and Clarke went to. I don’t suggest following after them for now, but that’s up to you, Lexa. So, are you coming?”

The brunette nodded slightly for she was too caught up in her thoughts to respond. And as they made their way to Niylah and Luna, which were in a corner, next to the burnt remainders of paper and carton, which unbeknownst to Lexa, was the infamous ‘ **Lexa** **’** **s stuff** ’ box,  the young brunette was drowning in all the newly procured information.

Firstly, Luna had forced herself on Anya, could that constitute rape? Well, if it didn’t Anya could sure as hell press charges about sexual harassment. Yes, she was drunk, but that was no excuse. That was never an excuse.

Secondly, during this Clarke was with Niylah. Why? What was she doing that made her ‘indisposed’ like the others, as Lincoln had put it? Lexa had a pretty good idea of what Lincoln and Octavia were up to, so did that apply also to Clarke? The thought of what Niylah might have been doing to Clarke made Lexa’s stomach lurch in the most unpleasant of ways.

The feeling in her stomach only increased as she continued listing the occurrences. Thirdly, Clarke had gone looking for Anya, for whatever reason that might be, she did not know. But lacking knowledge had become her thing tonight. She didn’t even know she had been missing _so_ many things until now.

And keeping Clarke and Anya in mind, Lexa mentally made her way to the fourth in her list. Clarke and Anya were together _all_ the time nowadays. Clarke _and_ Anya. They had seemed to always be together whenever she attended the few group events she was invited to, if she went at all. And they were always constantly next to each other whenever she went to the club where Lincoln worked, and if they were even a few metres apart, Anya and Clarke seemed to maintain their gazes on each other.

How Lexa knew this was not important. It’s not like she was jealously glancing at them from time to time. No, of course not. Why would she do that? Why would she be jealous? Lexa would never be selfish to reject Clarke and her other friends, time and time again, and still expect them to be waiting for her. That was definitely not the case. Except, that it was.

This was totally opposite to Lexa’s nature because she was a very selfless person and always put others before her, but that started changing when Costia had returned by choosing to take care of her desires, her heart over Clarke’s. Of course she was selfless when it came to Costia, but the latter did not reciprocate and Lexa caught herself missing those selfless acts done out of love by her little family. The family she instantly lost for being selfish. It wasn’t because she had been selfish. God only knows that she deserved to be a little selfish at times. No, it was because she had been the wrong kind of selfish; the kind that hurt others to achieve its goals. And Lexa had not only hurt one, but five, five people who had loved her immensely. Five people who would have killed and gladly rotted in prison for her. Five people who constantly vouched for her and had her back. Five people whom she would have done the same things for, until she wouldn’t. Those five people whom she called family had fought so much to snap her back to her senses. Even after she broke Clarke’s heart, they never lost faith in her, Clarke included, until they lost her. Until she lost them. Until they lost each other. Their loss was great, but Lexa’s was by far greater for with them she also lost herself, her life, her home.

And here she was now, mentally listing the information that she had recently gathered about the people she lost. And she was currently on the fourth, the damned number four which was eating her alive more than any of the others. Yes, she had noticed that Clarke and Anya had become exceptionally close, sometimes literally close, especially on the dance floor. But she hadn’t realised that they had been spending _so_ much time together. What was the extent of “all the time together”? Had they been spending as much time as Lexa used to spend with Anya or as much time as she used to spend with the younger blonde? Both those scenarios were not appealing to her, but the latter one made her want to endlessly cry and punch something until her hand hurt.

This feeling did not relent as she noted the fifth occurrence. Clarke and Anya were currently together. All alone. On a beach. With a very romantic setting. Alone. Together. Just them. Probably walking in the moonlight. Gazing at the sea or stars. Having a private “bonfire”. Being so close to one another. Touching. Holding hands. Hugging. Kiss-. ‘ _Stop it, damn it. Stop thinking like that. They_ _’_ _re just friends_ ’, she berated herself. Just friends. Like her and Costia had been “just friends” when she was still with Clarke. Greatest denial ever. But why should she care? She shouldn’t, what happened between Clarke and Anya was their business and their business alone. It could have once been hers, but she had lost that right to both of them. So why did it feel like it was her business? Why did the image of Anya touching Clarke that way bother her _so_ much? Surely it wouldn’t affect her _that_ much if they were together, right? Unbeknownst to Lexa, all these questions would be answered in around 10 minutes.

And when Lexa, Costia and Lincoln arrived next to Luna and Niylah, Lexa saw the sixth thing on her list. Bellamy. Bellamy Blake, Octavia’s cocky, over-protective and supposedly charming older brother. Lexa had always kept an eye on him when he got too close to Clarke, but the blonde seemed oblivious to his intentions as she accepted his advances and merely categorised them as brotherly affections. In fact, Clarke didn’t mind when Bellamy hugged her, or kissed her on the cheek. She didn’t mind when he possessively wrapped a hand around her shoulders and kept her as close as possible to him. And she certainly didn’t mind his smug and flirtatious comments, which, in Clarke’s defence, he made to any other girl except to his sister. But Lexa DID. She did mind him hugging her and kissing her cheek and touching her, since she saw the love struck look he had when he gazed at her. Then again, if it were up to Lexa, he wouldn’t even _breathe_ the same air as Clarke if possible. But alas, that was not to happen, for Clarke loved him as one would love a brother and so she did not see his more-than-brotherly intentions. But Lexa **did** , and clearly she had been right. She and Clarke had fought so many times because of her jealousy for Bellamy, only to finally end in Clarke not meeting alone with him and forcing Bellamy to tell Lexa, in front of Clarke, that he only had platonic intentions for Clarke. That “confession” and Clarke’s decision had ended their fights because Lexa had realised that Clarke really didn’t like him in that way but it didn’t end the tension between him and Lexa. Actually, the tension had increased ever since because, unlike Clarke, Lexa had seen the little smirk and wink he gave her every time he grabbed Clarke’s waist as if challenging her. And so, unlike Clarke, she knew that Bellamy had lied that day and now Clarke too knows. ‘ _That sneaky little weasel!_ _’_ _,_ Lexa thought as she glared at him.

Bellamy instantly turned around and as soon as he saw her, he reciprocated that glare with as much as passion, seemingly knowing Lexa’s train of thought.

“Listen, Luna, you should thank your lucky stars that you’re drunk or else we would be at your funeral right now”, Raven growled out.

“Yeah! Being drunk is not an excuse, but it stops us from teaching you an unforgettable lesson! Since you wouldn’t remember it anyway if we do it now!”, Octavia spat.

“Simply put, we’ll let you down easy for now because we want you sober to remember every bit of it –“, Raven continued but was interrupted by Bellamy who had turned his glare onto Luna again.

“Just like Anya will do for the rest of her life”, he menacingly said.

“Exactly!”, Octavia chimed in clenching a fist.

“So, _this_ ”, Raven gestured between Niylah and Luna and themselves, “Is. NOT. Over. Do we make ourselves clear?”

Luna whimpers and nods, looking at the ground ashamedly.

“Groovy”, Raven sarcastically states, “Now, let’s go get us some drinks because this genius right here”, she points at herself, “needs to let loose!”

“Yeah!”, Octavia chirps enthusiastically for a moment before her face falls down and shows concern, “But, wait, shouldn’t we go check on Clarke and Anya?”

“Nahhhhh, they’ll be fine. Niylah said they’re together, right?,” the brown eyed brunette looks at Niylah who nods, “Then as long as they’re together, they’re golden.”

“You’re right”, Octavia turns on her heel and notices Lincoln, Lexa and Costia for the first time. Without acknowledging the latter two she wraps her arms around his neck and gives him a quick peck, “Hey babe! You’re finally here!”

“And I see you brought the trash with you”, Raven silently growls, but not too silent as for the others not to hear it.

Before Lincoln could open his mouth to reprimand her, Costia bristles, “Listen, _Raven_ , if you’ve-“, but before she could continue Raven interrupts her. The brunette raised a hand to halt her and glared at her, as if that wasn’t enough to stop her.

“Down, girl”, the brunette says intentionally, as if addressing a dog, “Let me stop you right there. Firstly, I know what you’re going to say and I thought the answer to that was pretty clear. But, I guess not everyone can get you when you’re a genius, and we are talking about you here, so let me explain this slowly, once more. And I want you to hear me carefully. I. Don’t. Like. You. I never have and after the stunt you and Lexa pulled on Clarke, I. Will. NEVER. Like. You. NEVER.”

Lincoln gapes at Raven whilst Octavia and Bellamy nod affirmedly as she continues, “As far as I know that’s not a secret,” she turns to Lexa, who looking straight at Raven prepares herself for what’s to come. But it never does, or at least it doesn’t come as badly as she’d thought, “And _you_ , don’t think I’ve forgotten about you. Oh, no, Auntie Rae never forgets, especially when you hurt her sister. So if it wasn’t already clear enough, I sure as hell don’t like you.”

“The cheater and the girlfriend thief”, scoffed Octavia in agreement, who was now squeezing Lincoln’s hand and standing right in front of Niylah and Luna, who were both awkwardly trying to look away.

“I could go on and on and give you what, frankly, you’ve had coming to you ever since you came back to the land of the living. But, I only give one thrashing a person per day. Not that I couldn’t make an exception, especially for _you two_ , but, mama needs her liquor. Besides, my time is far too precious to be wasted”, she stated the next words venomously, “on the likes of _you_ ”.

Bellamy lowly chuckled and giving Lexa his best smirk, the one that always infuriated her, he said, “Couldn’t have said it better myself”, he looked at Lincoln, “Lead the way, oh so gracious host”, a playful smile tugged at his lips as he said so whilst bowing and outstrethcing his hand mockingly.

Lincoln looked at Lexa apologetically because he felt sorry for her, but, on the other hand, he knew that she deserved all that she was getting because she brought it upon herself. Besides, he couldn’t stay and hang out with her any longer when his real family; the one who never abandoned him, the one she was once a part of; needed his attention.

So he nodded and smiled, “ Yeah, definitely. What kind of host would I be if not?”

“ _My_ gentleman”, Octavia said whilst kissing his cheek, making the stoic looking man blush. It was always adorable how, no matter how much time they had been together, Lincoln was always reduced to a blushing giant whenever the girl half his size complimented him and kissed him gently. But then again, these two made one of the cutest couple ever and they tried to convey their love for each at any given chance and by any gesture. Truly, as cliché as it would sound, these two were love-struck idiots in the best possible way, who would do anything for each other.

Humming and squeezing her hand even tighter if possible, Lincoln started to lead the way, with a beaming Octavia following right after him. Bellamy made to follow after his sister, but not before sternly looking at Niylah and Luna. Then he smirked at Lexa and quietly whispered, only for the green-eyed brunette to hear, “For old time’s sake, guess who’s Clarke’s favourite now?”, he winked and began to follow Octavia.

Raven was scowling at Luna, “Try not to ruin the rest of the night for us, will ya?”, she started walking behind Bellamy but as she was passing Lexa and Costia, she turned her head slightly to address Lexa. Still walking she called out, ”Oh, and Lexa?”, Lexa who was still reeling from what Bellamy said and was still glaring at his retreating back, snapped her head towards Raven as the latter continued, “Please put a muzzle on your bitch”, she nodded towards Costia, “Or someone might do it for you.”

And with that Raven followed Bellamy, leaving a furious Costia and an awe-struck Lexa in her wake.

“Well?!”, Lexa looked at Costia, from whom the furious tone was coming, “Don’t just _stand_ there! Do something! Are you going to let _your_ friends go away with it?!”, Costia snapped.

“ _What_ would you have me do?! I have no say over them. You heard them. They’re not my friends!”, at this Lexa’s heart broke, knowing that this was all her fault. Her anger instantly faded in favour of hurt and sadness. She looked at the ground and meekly uttered, “Not anymore.”

“ _Clearly_ ”, Costia venoumously spat, wincing when Lexa’s head snapped back up. She realised that maybe that was not the ideal thing to say as emerald eye held rage in them once again. They challenged her to continue whilst also accusing her of such fate.

However, Costia was not backing down and shot her girlfriend the same look, for they both knew that it was Lexa who let all this happen. True, Costia’s constant flirtation and relentless talk about how Lexa’s friends never listened to the brunette or how they didn’t do anything for Lexa’s sake; namely invite Costia to their events; didn’t do anything but instigate Lexa to abandon all of them. But ultimately, there was only so much blame that Costia could be assigned, for nobody forced Lexa into anything. Instigate, encourage, entice, definitely Costia’s fault but the brunette’s actions, no, those were hers and hers alone. A burden to carry. Forever. Alone. Her people; her actions; her responsibility.

As the two girls were caught in a staring showdown, daring each other to speak, they forget about the two other girls sitting in the corner, shifting awkwardly at all the tension being demonstrated. Having decided that they both had had enough of all the drama for a night, and consciously not wanting to cause anymore mishaps, Niylah stood up, pulling Luna up with her, and cleared her throat to grab the girls’ attention.

At a sudden clearing of the throat, both Lexa and Costia were brought out of their furious haze and looked apologetically at the producer of the sound.

“Well, _that_ was, uhm, interesting?”, Niylah half asked, half stated. “Anyways, I just wanted to say that I’m taking Luna home, but-.”

“You’re leaving?”, Lexa asked increduously, “If it is because of just what happened, I apologise, I –“

“No, no, that’s not it”, Niylah reassured her, seemingly swatting away the worries with her hand, “I’m coming back but she feels exhausted after what happened with Clarke and Anya and”, Niylah took in a deep breathe for she realised that she was starting to ramble, “well, everything. And since she is still not in her right senses, I’m taking her. So, uhm, for now, have a good-”

“Wait”, Lexa firmly stated when she saw that Niylah and Luna had started to slowly move away, “I just wanted to know what happened, I mean between Anya and you, Luna. What did you do? And where is Anya now?”

As Luna, who had calmed down and was not franticly sobbing by now, was going to open her mouth, Costia spoke up.

“Also, what the hell is _that_?”, she asked whislt pointing towards the ashes that the two girls had been next to.

“Oh, that? I thought you knew”, Niylah said matter-of-factly.

Lexa quirked her eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

“Oh”, Niylah realised what must had happened, that Lexa didn’t know that Clarke and her friends had burned the box with ‘Lexa’s things’ written all over it. It was now occuring to her that those were probably the things that Lexa had left at Clarke’s, whom the latter was getting rid of. “Sorry, my mistake. Forget about it”, but Lexa was sternly looking at her, knowingly conveying to her to spit it out. So Niylah did.

“Well, it’s just that when I saw Clarke burning up a box full of pictures of you and uhm, some photos, or whatever,”Niylah was getting more nervous by the second under Lexa’s gaze which shifted from confusion, to acknowledgement and lastly pain and saddness, whilst Costia was just amused,“and since it was labelled ‘Lexa’s things’ and all, I, uhm, I just thought, that maybe, Clarke had offered to give them to you and you didn’t want them, so she was burning them. So I thought you knew, but it was my bad. It’s none of my business anyways.”

As she finished rambling, Niylah looked at the ground, shifting uncomfortably from one foot to another waiting for someone to get her out of her misery, because once again, she had misread the situation. Suddenly it hit Niylah and she started internally panicking, ‘ _Oh my God!? Clarke didn_ _’_ _t tell Lexa because it was none of her business. And I just did. Oh no. She will never date me now, if I even live that long. What am I going to do? I can_ _’_ _t believe that I messed up. Again. With Clarke. FUCK ME! And **THIS** is exactly why I shouldn_ _’_ _t drink because I already make a fool of myself by only being in her presence, let alone drunk._ ’

Luckily for Niylah, Luna saw her distress and broke the silence, “Well, as for what happened to Anya, uhm, well”, she chuckled nervously, knowing that her plan had succeeded and that she had the girls’ full attention, “I guess I have some explanation to do. So, here it goes.”

And so Luna told them what had happened and where both her and Niylah saw the blondes heading, as Costia’s expression became more amused and shock stricken by the minute whilst Lexa’s filled only with pain, sadness and anger, the latter directed at Luna.

As Niylah’s and Luna’s recounting came to an end, Lexa couldn’t restrain herself more than she had already, “So, basically, you started to rape Anya-“

“No, it wasn’t-“, Luna tred, her eyes pleading.

“-or do what is probably equivalent to rape for lesbians-“

“-like that. I didn’t even-“

Lexa knew what Luna was going to say next and having heard enough she stopped her, “DON’T! Don’t you dare say it! Just because you didn’t cum and finish off, doesn’t make this any less of an offence.”

“I know but please-“

Lexa interruped her again, “Enough, Luna! Just stop it! There is no excuse that you can come up with that would make what you did justifiable. What the hell were you thinking?! Sexually assaulting your ex-girlfriend, whom by the way _you_ ended things with, on the beach! Where everyone can see you?! What is _wrong_ with you?! Do you know that Anya can charge you for sexual harassment?! Not to mention violent indecent assualt?! Attempted rape?! Not to mention that Clarke could charge you for public indecency!”

Luna was starting to tear up again and that softened Lexa’s gaze. She pinched the bridge of her nose and looked back at a very vulnerable Luna. Taking a deep breath to calm down, knowing that losing her top wasn’t going to help anyone, Lexa started to talk again, “Look, Luna, I didn’t mean to sound so harsh because I know that this isn’t easy on you either. But, honestly, what you did is unforgiveable. It could ruin your life. And God only knows that it has definitely scarred Anya’s. I know you. Yes, you sleep around, and yes, you may be a cheater,” Lexa internally winced at that word, feeling that that word somewhat referred to herself also, “but, you are not _this_ kind of person. The kind who tries to rape people.”

“And what do you know about me?”, Luna suddenly snapped with tears in her eyes, “You haven’t seen or talked to me in forever. Ever since she came along”, Luna nodded at Costia, “it’s like you disappeared. For all I know I could’ve been a serial killer and you wouldn’t know it. People change Lexa, you should know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”, Lexa spat, finding herself yet again furious. Why was she getting so much shit from everyone today? Everyone seemed to have it in for her tonight. Maybe, it could be that they had been bottling all in for when she showed up. Maybe it’s because she hadn’t talked or seen them in a very very long while so the moment she did, she had to deal with all the anger she had instilled in the people she’d abandoned.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Lexa. You know what I mean. Hell, you know what _everyone_ means. You’ve changed. Ever since you and Clarke broke up, you’ve changed. And so have your priorities.”, Lexa opened her mouth to defend herself but Luna continued,”All I’m saying is that people change. Maybe I have too.”

Luna looked down ashamedly but Lexa, having had her anger renewed by the implied accusation ; which she knew was nonetheless true; glared at herl, “I hope not. For your sake. That’s not an excuse either. So get your shit together and fix it, Luna.”

“I know that. I don’t need you telling me. Now if you’ll excuse us, I think I’ve made enough of a mess so Niylah is taking me home.”, Niylah nodded in agreement as Luna continued, “I hope to see you around more Lexa. Oh and one more thing before I go, you should listen to your own advice”, Lexa looked at her questioningly, “get your shit together and fix it, _if_ you’re not already too late.”

And on that note, Luna and Niylah left as Lexa and Costia stared at their retreating figures. Costia was not sporting an amused expression anymore, but she was neither showing one of anger nor hurt. Plainly said, Costia’s expression was one of slight bewilderment verging on mild excitement as she was keen to see what was going to happen next or who was going to contribute to this night of drama. She regretted ever not wanting to come to this even as it was becoming more interesting and promising by the second. What was she thinking? This was one of the least boring outings she had ever went to. She had forgotten how crazy and fun Lexa’s friend were. If only they didn’t try to take the control she had over Lexa away from her, Costia could’ve seen herself and Lexa spending all their time with these lovable idiots. But, unfortunately, nothing came so easy for Costia, and said idiots were not as stupid as they seemed, if at all whatsoever. Also, they were too nosy for Costia’s liking and such nosiness would only deter her control over Lexa, and ultimately over their relationship, more. And since having control meant being the powerful one in the relationship, and the least dependent, it also meant that the risks of getting hurt were very slim. This was Costia’s goal, for although Lexa was nothing like Nia, she knew she would never trust or fall in love with anyone ever again. At least, not in the way she had done with Nia. Never. She would rather kill herself before letting that ever happen again. Later she would come to know that focusing on controlling Lexa and not falling for her, had made Costia vulnerable to someone else’s charm; someone whom she least expected to fall in love with, someone whom she had caused a lot of pain to, someone who’d never want her after stealing the love of her life. Costia was yet to find out how so utterly screwed she was, for, as this person had once said to Lexa, one does not choose whom to fall in love with. And Costia had the knack to fall for the unattainable.

Thus, in order to avoid heartbreak she kept control of Lexa and their relationship and when Lexa’s friends were becoming nuisances for this control, she had to distance Lexa from them. Needless to say, Lexa was very compliant with her requests, almost too compliant, especially for someone who had called these people her family. This only reflected poorly on Lexa and Costia’s impression of her had declined rapidly. How could anyone ever be _so_ stupid? First, Lexa chose her over Clarke, whom was trying to fight for their relationship so hard that it broke her, poor thing. And just when Costia thought that the girl could not do anything more stupid, well, she started to distance herself from her friends without Costia even trying. In fact, Costia had merely stated that it wasn’t fair that they were giving Clarke most of the attention; although she knew fully well that it was more than fair; and Lexa just did the rest of the work for her by ignoring them or constantly fighting them about Costia. Simply said, Lexa did not want to admit that she had been wrong, whilst her friends had been right all along about the effect that Costia had had on her and Clarke’s relationship, and the idiot let her ego, and maybe a bit of jealousy and hurt, get in the way of life-long friendship. If only she had Lexa’s life, friends and girlfriend, well ex-friends and ex-girlfriend, she would have never let them go. And for what? A girl. Treated Clarke as if she was not enought. Who wouldn’t she be enough for? Lexa. Just Lexa. Only her. Anya was right for calling her dumbass. She gave the word its full meaning after the way she had acted towards the young blonde.

As Costia’s thoughts drifted to the blue-eyed girl, she remembered that they haven’t yet found out where she was, what she was doing with Anya, or even what she was doing earlier with Niylah. At this, Costia snapped out of her stupor as she wanted to find out what happened. No, she despereately needed to know. To know what happened to the blonde. To know how she was doing. Really and truly, Costia found herself desperately needing to know anything and everything about the blonde at each waking hour. Why was she becoming so obsessed? The more she found out about Clarke, the more she wanted to know about her and her wellbeing. **Curiosity**. That’s what Costia narrowed it down to. It had to be.

When Costia looked at Lexa she saw a number of emotions flashing on the brunettes face. Anger. Pain. Loneliness. Sadness. Hopelessness. And then the cycle ended with anger once more. The latter feeling was the most recurring one for Lexa only knew how to convey such feelings through anger.

“Babe...”, Costia delicately whispered, whilst slowly reaching out towards Lexa’s shoulder,. Lexa blinked, her girlfriend’s voice bringing her out of her haze of rage and looked at sparkling brown eyes. “Hey, babe, “, Costia squeezed Lexa’s shoulder and started pulling her towards her, “are you, ok?” At Lexa’s hard gaze and want to retreat from her hand, Costia realised that she chose the wrong words.

“What do _you_ think?”, the brunette quietly spat.

“Right. Well, don’t take it out on _me_ ”, another glare from Lexa, “Look, babe, I know you’re frustrated, angry and worried about Anya, but _this_ isn’t helping.”

“You don’t say”, Lexa lowly grumbled.

“So, why don’t we go grab a drink? Ease the tension a bit, and maybe find out more about what happened while we wait for Anya.”, _‘_ _And Clarke_ _’_ , the brown eyed beauty added mentally as she slid her hand up and down the brunettes arms in a comforting way., “Huh? There’s no use in fretting about something which we can do nothing about. What do you say, babe?”

Lexa contemplated this option for a moment but before she could agree with it, she remembered that Anya needed all the support she could get right now, even though she was strong and would never admit it. And besides, Anya and Clarke were together, and alone. The latter had been strangely concerning her more than it should, and that made her decision for her.

“No, Costia. Anya, well, she-“

“Is fine. She’s with Cl-her friend, who I’m sure is taking good care of her”, the brown eyed girl said with conviction.

“But, _I_ want to know how she is faring. I’m her be-well, I’m her friend. I need to know how she’s doing”, the brunette uttered, her rage and confidence increasing in her voice.

“And you will. _We_ will. As soon as she comes back. I’m sure that the last thing she needs is people fussing over her-“

“No. _Listen_ to me, Costia. She needs help and-“

Costia was relentless as she interrupted Lexa again, “She’s got all the help she needs from _Clarke_! Babe, if she wanted _your_ help, actually, if she wanted _anyone_ _’_ _s_ help for that matter she would have stayed or come back here. But she didn’t so-“

“Don’t you dare act like you know Anya as much as I do!”, the brunette lost all self control and was raging, “You don’t know her! She-”

“ And do you?”, Costia coldly stated, not scared of her girlfriend’s anger.

“Excuse me?!”, the brunette’s nostrils were flaring with fury.

“You heard me. Yes, I don’t know Anya but do you?”

“Of course I-“

“No. You don’t. You _knew_ Anya. Once. Two years from now before...you know.”

The brunette’s expression suddenly turned into hurt as Costia reminded her, yet again, of her mistakes and losing her once-so-called family. Struck by the emotionless manner that Costia had stated that, she turned on her heels and started to walk away.

“Babe? Where’re you going? Don’t you dare walk away from me!”, Costia called out, and when Lexa did not stop she marched behind her and finally walked beside her, “Hey, I’m talking to you!”

The brunette paused and turned her narrowed eyes at her which stopped Costia in her tracks as well.

 “So talk. But make it quick because _I_ have a friend who needs me”, Lexa stated flatly.

“For fuck’s sake Lexa. She. Doesn’t. Need. You! Anya hasn’t needed you for a while now and-“

“I’m not leaving her alone when she needs-“

“Oh my God”, Costia humourlessly laughs, “Can’t you see it? She _isn’t_ alone. You heard them She’s _never_ alone. _Clarke_ makes sure of that.”

Lexa feels a pang in her chest at the admission that she didn’t want to rehear. But she won’t let anything deter her from checking on her old friend, not even jealousy, or whatever this constricting feeling was. But, yet again, she will find herself being wrong.

“Well, if you want, you can stay here with Lincoln or whoever, but I _need_ to check up on Anya.”, the brunette determinedly stated.

Costia, seeing that her girlfriend was not willing to back down, scoffed in annoyance, “You know what? Fine. Go. Check up on your _‘friend’._ I guess I’ll just have to go look for someone who _actually_ enjoys my company.”

“It’s no big deal. I just want to check up on her, and I’ll be right back”, the brunette started fast-walking away towards the beach outlined with trees, which soon turned into a jog, as she called out “I promise, Costia”.

Costia, having been left alone and feeling angry at the brunette and Anya, went towards the bonfire in search of people to party with whilst Lexa made her way towards the beach through a shortcut that she had learned when she had once gotten lost in the range of trees. As the green eyed brunette made her way through, she heard familiar voices talking to each other. She walked towards the source and when she heard the word “Blondie”, she knew that she was right to think that the voices sounded familiar. These were the voices which she hadn’t heard for a very long time, one of them longer than the other; the voices she missed so much just as she missed their speakers; none other than Anya and Clarke.

As she silently walked closer, still hidden to the two women since she was behind the trees, she heard Anya talk about burning a box. ‘ _What box is she- Oh, the box …but didn’t they already burn that?’_ The curiosity as to what else they might be burning was getting the better of Lexa so she walked as farthest as she could in order to get a better view of what was going on whilst still staying hidden. Lexa was not usually one to spy on other people and their personal matters, but seeing as the box concerned the things she had left at Clarke’s, she felt that this revolved around her as much as them. She remembered leaving some stuff at Clarke’s, things that she didn’t dare take with her or keep at all, for otherwise they would keep the ache in heart and the reminder of a certain broken hearted blonde constant. The particulars of the objects had been long forgotten by Lexa, but she remembered that she had also left them there because somehow or other they belonged more to the blonde than to her, whether it was a sketch the blonde drew for her, or some of her shirts that had become utterly Clarke’s.

So Lexa watched on, with a heavy heart, and heard the voice that was once, and subconsciously still is, so melodious to her utter the word “Together”. As she heard it, she felt a tingling feeling creeping up her spine, for she had missed that raspy yet gentle voice which always seemed to lure her in; well, almost always since in the last months she could have spent hearing it, she did nothing but avoid it or turn it into a raging sobbing roar. And there it was again, that gut-wrenching feeling that she always felt when she thought about how badly she had treated the blonde during their last months together as a couple, as friends, as family, as anything remotely linked to each other really. How she longed to make up for messing up and missing out on her chance to be connected to Clarke in any way possible, for she missed the blonde dearly who was both her girlfriend and her bestest friend.

As she watched the scene unfold, the gut-wrenching feeling did not subside. In fact, another feeling took residence along with it, this one being heart ache as she watched Clarke intertwine her hand with Anya’s free hand whilst the dirty blonde’s other hand was holding a lighter over two objects. Lexa hears Anya stammer but is more distracted at the two things that were soongoing to be torched. Her eyes widen and she feels as if someone is suffocating her as she realises what these two things were. Her throat constricts and tears form on the verge of her eyes. How could Clarke want to burn these objects? Their most prized possessions they had called them. Suddenly, the content of the box and the significance of it being burned up dawns on Lexa. Had Clarke still loved her until now? Was she still holding on for her to come back for all this time, when she had even once thought about the blonde? A sudden guilt takes over Lexa until another thought emerges: ‘ _Oh no, if she burnt them and is going to burn… that means…she no longer loves me. That means…she’s moved on.’_ Lexa’s becomes frantic for a second as she feels her heart sinking at the thought but she shakes her head to dissuade such feeling and thoughts, to no avail. And how could she not feel her heart sink when the girl who had once loved her so much, was literally going to burn her out of her memory? When said girl was turning the last connection they had to each other into ashes, as if nothing mattered anymore? When said blonde was erasing the existence of them being a couple forever, as if they had never been in the first place? She was about to burn Lexa’s favourite shirt, which the blonde always wore after making love to her, making up one of Lexa’s favourite things to wake up to; her incredible sexy girlfriend in her top, cuddling and smiling lovingly at her. Lexa felt like crumbling there and then when she saw it, and although she didn’t crumble now, she knew that as it was going to be torched, by the woman who once cherished it so much, she would. As she saw the other item to be burned, she knew that the message Clarke was sending was clear; Any part of Lexa was unwanted in her life. Lexa gazed at the second item, which was the brunette’s favourite drawing that Clarke drew for her on Lexa’s birthday. She remembered telling the blonde that she did not want any fuss on her birthday, so Clarke had prepared her a warm bath by with floating lavender candles; her favourites; and a candlelit dinner. She loved every part of it and as the day closed to an end, the blonde surprised her by giving her a portrait of her sleeping whilst holding a book. The beauty in such drawing showed not only Clarke’s formidable talent, but also her never ending love and devotion for Lexa, as she depicted her in a way that she had definitely never thought of herself.

Lexa shook herself out of her thoughts just in time to see her worst nightmare becoming true. Clarke and Anya’s lips were mere centimetres apart and they had one of their hands intertwined. She saw both of them looking into each other’s’ eyes and at each other’s lips and immediately caught on. ‘ _No. No. NO Anya, don’t do it. DON’T. FUCKING. DO. IT. Don’t you dare-‘_ she reprimanded Anya, as if the older girl could read her thoughts, but evidence showing the contrary presented itself as the older blonde closed the distance and met the blonde in a hungry and desperate kiss, as if both were each other’s oxygen. Lexa watched Anya let the lighter go on the items and cup the blonde’s cheeks whilst the blonde pulled Anya closer by her neck as they devoured each other’s mouths.

Lexa was baffled to say the least, and she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t bear watching them any longer for with every kiss, with every touch, her heart broke further. But at the same time she couldn’t get herself to look or walk away. Lexa was transfixed watching the scene unfold and when she heard the younger blonde’s moan she wanted to march right out and there and drag Anya away from her, by her hair. She was furious. She was hurt. She was jealous. But above all Lexa felt some sort of desperation claw at her. Her heart thudded in her chest excruciatingly painful whilst her knees were wobbling and her hands were clenched into fists. When she thought it couldn’t get any worse she heard moans coming from the older girl and that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Lexa fell down on her knees as her body shook with quiet gut wrenching, soul-crushing, heart-breaking sobs. She couldn’t believe what she was witnessing. How had this happened? When had this happened? Why was all this happening in one night? She attends to one even, and this is how she’s rewarded? Maybe she deserved it. No, she definitely deserved it. She deserved this night’s pain and a lot more for the pain that she caused, to not only Clarke but to all the others as well. Blood must have blood. This was a night that Lexa would never forget. This was the night when everything came crashing down on Lexa.

And as she watched Anya and Clarke pulling away from each other and getting up to move away, still holding each other’s hands tightly, more and more pain wrecked through her heart. She didn’t know where all these emotions where coming from, but one thing was certain; this was not the last time Lexa would feel these feelings and emotions. No, this was certainly not the last, and certainly, not the worst, either.


	11. When Life Gives You a Break...or does it?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya and Clarke talk it out whilst in the mean time shit hits the ceiling... elsewhere, but that's for another chapter :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the wait guys, I'm currently trying to rearrange the next few chapters but I can't promise anything since uni is kicking my ass this semester, but i do promise that this story will continue :) I am sincerely sorry but exams and the thesis keep getting in the way :( On the other hand, I am inspired so my mojo is back :P lol Until I find any free time, ste yu mates :D And I hope you enjoyed this chapter :) let me know what you think :D xxx ps. Please be patient with me just a little bit longer and you'll have yourselves 2 new chapters :)

As they get further away from the bonfire and, unknowingly to them, from an utterly devastated green eyed brunette, the deeper they are immersed in their own little world; a world where nothing and nobody exists, except for the two of them.

No exes.

 

No disasters.

                        

No heartbreak.

 

NOTHING.

 

Just them and their love for each other.

 

And as they get cosier in their little world, crystal clear blue eyes gazing adoringly in beautiful almond eyes which radiate an indefinite amount of warmth, they both dreadfully know that they will have to leave their little heaven for a while, if only just to talk things out and make their feelings clearer to each other. And maybe, just maybe, they won't abandon their little heaven forever.

 

Because maybe, just maybe, together they can remake that little heaven in the real world, permanently. Forever to stay. Or maybe...just maybe, not. But alas, only time will tell, for now they only need to take a chance.

 

Utilising what little self-control she had left, Anya shook herself out of the love-stricken daze that both she and Clarke were in, and cleared her throat to help the younger blonde do the same.

 

Hearing the clearing of throat, Clarke burst out of her Anya-induced-love bubble and shook her head in order to get her head straight, well, as straight as she can get it when Anya is standing so close to her, adoration swimming in those beautiful brown eyes. ‘ _Damn it Clarke, get yourself together, you need to talk first. Talk first, kiss later. Kiss and lick and suck those soft lips. Yeah, definitely suck and maybe bite, but not too hard, I don’t want to hurt her and I definitely don’t want them to get sore. No, no, definitely not sore but supple and-‘_

“Uh, Blondie? You okay there?”, the dirty blonde smirked when she saw sapphire eyes so attentive on her lips, “Do you see something you like, Clarke? Should I give you a minute to recollect yourself from _moi_?”, her smirk grew into a shit-eating grin.

In other circumstances Anya would be flattered and try to hide her blush but as amusing as it was to see the younger blonde responding to her in such a way, they needed to talk and so she needed to snap her out of it, at least for now. They could revisit this later. No, scratch that; they WILL revisit this later.

“Earth to Blondie?”, Anya moved her hand slowly in a waving motion in front of Clarke’s face and when she saw those beautiful blues widen and pale cheeks reddening, she knew that Clarke realised what she had been doing.

“Uhm, sorry what – uhm- what were you saying Anya?”, the young blonde flushed.

“Oh nothing”, Anya smirked and looked at Clarke with mirthful eyes, “I was just saying that maybe we should talk, as in, now?”

 ‘ _Ow thank goodness! No snarky comm-‘, Clarke thought_ but Anya continued, “Unless you’d rather enjoy the view, that is.”

‘ _And, of course, there it is.’,_ Clarke mentally face palmed herself because leave it up to Anya to call anyone out and embarrass them to death _._

“Hmmm, the view of the sea under the moonlit sky is quite lovely, isn’t it?”, Clarke quickly remarked back, barely containing a victorious grin from forming when she saw Anya’s look of surprise at her comeback, “Very tempting, but I’d rather talk about **us** , first”.

Anya’s eyes softened considerably at the word ‘us’. “Yes, let’s”, Anya’s heart started pounding in that moment, because this was THE moment and THE talk.

This moment would either make them or break them, or rather break her. For Clarke had unknowingly their future and her heart in her hands because really and truly, Anya did not need to discuss whatever ‘this thing’ between them was or what she wants it to be. She had decided a long time ago what she wanted if ‘this thing’ ever happened: Clarke’s love. She wouldn’t settle for anything less. She wouldn’t settle for being some revenge plot or some rebound (although deep down she knew that Clarke would never do that to her, because Clarke was, well, Clarke). If they embarked on this journey of sorts, she would either be Clarke’s girlfriend or nothing at all. Well, not ‘ **nothing’** at all…that’s a bit dramatic, but Anya would need to take her time in order to be able to be there again for Clarke in a purely platonic way. She has contained her desires and emotions within her for so long and tried so many times to persuade herself that it was just her need to get laid. But with Clarke, she did not want to have sex. No, with Clarke she wanted to make love. With Clarke she wanted to worship every millimetre of pale skin available to her with kisses and touches. And once the permission to do so is given, there was no way that Anya would be able to control herself and her emotions anymore; just like once a floodgate is opened it cannot take back the water it let through, so couldn’t Anya rein back her love once she lets it show. If Clarke decides to end whatever this was before it starts, she would be crushed, but it would be better like this rather than lead her on (which she knew Clarke would never do).

So, she took a deep breath and readied herself to face whatever faith Clarke had decided for them. She mustered all her courage, for this would be by far the scariest thing that Anya would have ever done; you need to put a bully in his place, sure, Anya could kick their ass with no problem; you need to bluntly reject someone or confront them face on and show them the harsh truth, Anya is DEFINITELY your girl; but to showcase your heart and your feelings, leaving them bare and vulnerable for anyone to see, that was one thing Anya never had the courage to do. She showed snippets here and there to Lexa, Lincoln, Luna (her short-term cheating ex-girlfriend), Clarke and her double trouble sisters who followed her around wherever she went and brought chaos  together(Octavia and Raven), but she never cared for baring her emotions in front of anyone, ever. Not even in front of Luna, whom she once cared deeply for. But here she is, doing the unthinkable; setting her heart and feelings free, if Clarke let’s her, that is.

“What is this?”, Anya shakily and bluntly asks, “I mean, what is this to you?”

Clarke was momentarily taken aback by the bluntness of the question, but then again this was Anya so, really, what **did** she expect?

Clarke gazed in warm brown eyes and moved her hand to slowly and softly take Anya’s in a reassuring grip whilst saying, “Anya, you know I care for you, right? I care for you, so much and you are my bestfriend first and foremost but-“

As soon as she heard the word ‘but’ Anya’s heart plummeted and painfully clenched, panic arose in her as she immediately concluded that she was being rejected so before Clarke could end her sentence, Anya hurriedly cut her off, “It’s okay. Clarke, it’s okay. You don’t have to go on. Don’t worry, I won’t bring this up again-”

“Anya, what are-”

“I know when I’m not wanted-”, Anya said while trying to get out of Clarke’s grip.

“Not wanted? Anya, what-”

“I’ll just be the best friend you’ve ever had and-”

“Just? Best friend? Anya?”

“It’s okay Clarke-”

As Anya continued to ramble on and excusing herself, Clarke didn’t know whether the cry or laugh at the situation for Anya didn’t even let her finish her sentence before starting rambling. She supposes it is endearing how much Anya rambles when she is nervous. She’s cute even. If only it happened in a less frustrating situation, it would have been fine. But right now, this was getting on Clarke’s nerves so she put a stop to it in the only manner she knew that would definitely shut Anya up. And what better way to shut her up than by grappling her neck and slam her lips against Anya’s?

As Clarke quickly did so, Anya was taken by surprise and took a minute before she processed what was happening and reciprocated. The kiss was languid and passionate, leaving a breathless stunned Anya as Clarke sucked and bit her bottom lip for the last time before separating. Clarke took Anya’s silence as her chance to speak up and cupped her cheeks whilst looking into almond tear-filled eyes. With her eyes Clarke tried to convey her affection for the dirty blonde for she desperately needed the older woman to understand and feel how deeply she cared for her.

“Anya, you didn’t let me finish”, Anya was going to open her mouth but the younger blonde put her index finger on her lips to shush her, “No, Anya let me speak, please. And then you can do whatever you want, but, please, hear me out, please.”

Anya slowly nodded to show her consent so Clarke continued, “Anya, I was saying that I care for you, so much. And I want you to remember that you are my bestfriend first and foremost, but”, the younger blonde took a deep breath, “but, Anya, I’d like to be more than that.”

Anya’s eyes widened and the end of her lips were starting to twist slightly upwards as Clarke continued, “Anya, this is important to me, YOU are important to me. And you have to know that I would never do anything to hurt you or separate you from your best friends, especially Lincoln and even Lexa”, at hearing the name Anya tried to protest but Clarke’s look and hand made any efforts she might have started to make in vain.

Clarke continued, “I hope you know that I would never want to get in the middle of you guys, right?”, Anya nodded, “but, I can’t help what I feel for you, and I think you feel the same for me,” Anya nodded again, more furiously this time feeling giddy at the turn the conversation took, “so I’d like to try. I, uhm, I want to see where this goes, Anya. I thought that I still was not ready, and I’m not going to lie, maybe I still am not completely healed or ready to be in a fully committed relationship just yet, but”, Anya’s eyes hopefully looked on, awaiting the next words, “I’d like to explore whatever this is and go beyond friendship Anya. I want to date you! So if you can be patient with me,” Anya started nodding furiously for every word Clarke said whilst a slight tear escaped her, “ just until I can be ready to give you all of me, until I am sure that I can give you all the love you deserve, would you consider dating me?”

Anya removed Clarke’s hand from over her mouth and all but excitedly yelled, “YES! Clarke, YES!”, she pecked Clarke’s lips, “of course I’ll wait”, *kiss*, “ I’ll always wait”, *kiss* “, for you”, *kiss* Clarke giggled with each kiss she got. Anya grabbed Clarke by the waist and put her forehead to the younger blonde’s whilst gazing in those beautiful sapphires.

“Clarke, we can take it as slow as you need,” Anya said seriously, “But, you have to promise me, promise me that this is not an open relationship, because I don’t think I could go through that again especially with you. I couldn’t bear seeing you with someone else if we are to give this a shot.”

Anya was looking pleadingly into Clarke’s eyes when Clarke assured her, “I promise Anya. I don’t want to this with anyone but you. I promise,” they smiled at each other, “truth is, I don’t think I can bear seeing you with someone else either.”

“You won’t have to because I don’t intend on being with anyone but you”, she pecked her lips one more time and they giggled like a bunch of high school teenagers who have discovered love for the first time.

Anya pecked Clarke’s lips once more, feeling giddy but not wanting to push any boundaries before their first date. She grabbed Clarke’s left hand with her right and the younger blonde intertwined their fingers together, but before they started to move towards the bonfire again, something occurred to Anya.

“What will we tell the others, Clarke?”, Anya said seriously.

They locked eyes and an understanding passed between them. Anya nodded to encourage Clarke to speak her mind and the younger girl uttered what they both had been thinking, “I don’t think we should tell them. Not yet. I wanted to get in a few dates and kisses before the questions and teasing start.”

“Yeah, God knows Reyes wouldn’t miss such an opportunity to embarrass us”, Anya continued “so, not yet, but, maybe someday?”

“No, definitely someday,” Clarke smiled at Anya and squeezed her hand before they started to walk towards the bonfire arm in arm, “now, tell me General Grumpy, what are your plans to woo me?”

“Woo YOU?”, Anya snorted, “if I remember correctly, it was you who asked me out. So you should be wooing me, Blondie”, Anya stated whilst smirking.

Clarke gasped, feigning offense, “How dare you?!”, she bumped her shoulder into Anya’s, “I’ll have you know, the Commander of Death bows to NO ONE, **GENERAL** ”.

“Ow, I’m sorry, I apologise for my rudeness,” Anya started saying with faux politeness, “I will never disrespect you again, Commander of my arse”.

“YOU. DID. NOT!!”, Clarke pushed Anya playfully, “Take it back!”

“Or what?”, Anya asked with mischief and defiance in her eyes.

“Or…Or… Or I’ll do this”, and before Anya could respond or process what Clarke had said or was doing, the younger blonde pushed her roughly so she fell on her ass, quickly kicked some sand on her and went running towards the bonfire in a fits of giggles.

“OH NO YOU DIDN’T!! You are SO on, Blondie!”, Anya stood up quickly and hurried patted the sand off her before making her way after the blonde, “Come back here, you coward! Come face your doom, Wanheda!!”

As Anya ran after the fiery blonde, who made her feel alive again, and making her way towards the beach party and bonfire, thinking that nothing could ruin her night or make her less happy. She just got the girl she had been desperately pining after for years to ask her out, and at this moment no feat seemed impossible and her hurt was bursting with joy. But little did she know that a certain green-eyed brunette, whose eyes were green for more than one reason, was desperately waiting for her arrival.


	12. When Life Introduces Karma

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start getting bad for Lexa...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys :) I'm kind of back but updates won't be as quick for now or as long. thank you for all your patience and I apologise for the very long wait. Anyways, this chapter is finished but I'm rechecking the second part and I thought that I could give you a little preview since you've been such amazing and patient readers :D Hope you like this one and don't worry the second part will added tomorrow. Please let me know what you think about this chapter (or rather quarter-chapter) :)

Chapter 12: When Life Introduces Karma

Lexa painfully watched as her (once upon a time) two favourite blondes became a blur in the distance together, until they disappeared from her tear-filled view altogether. As she found herself alone, her devastation gave way to numerous other emotions. Lexa’s face flashed with jealousy, sadness, desperation, frustration and hurt until it finally settled on utter and immense anger.

Lexa was livid. Of course she was, how could they do this to her? How could Clarke, from all the people that she could choose to move on with, go for her bestfriend? For goodness’ sake there were about 7.5 billion people in the world and from all of them, she chooses Anya?! Oh and Anya, don’t get her started about Anya!! Maybe Clarke didn’t owe her anything but Anya? She has been taking care of Clarke and taking her side since before they broke up, so as her supposed bestfriend the least she could do was to NOT kiss her ex-girlfriend. To NOT kiss, NOT hold hands, NOT date and NOT have sex-

‘ _SEX!!!_ _Holy blondes! That’s disgusting’,_ Lexa thought as she tried to get the image of her bestfriend and ex having sexout of her mind, whilst ignoring the part of her brain that told her that they’d be making love and not just having sex, which she knew made a difference for Clarke as the latter deemed making love as a more intimate act forming a stronger connection.

How could Anya do this to her? How dare she?! After all their years of friendship in which they had become sisters in everything but blood, she betrays her trust like this?! Lexa knew they were becoming distant but she never imagined that the rift between them was so great that Anya thought that dating Clarke was acceptable. NEVER!! What had Lexa done to deserve this?! **NOTHING**. Or at least, that’s what Lexa made her own self believe for she was too blinded by her non-existent self-righteousness to see anything else.

What Lexa had just witnessed was one of her, if not her worst, nightmare come true. She had always suspected that her best friend had had a soft spot for Clarke, just like she knew that Bellamy had been admiring the blonde from not-so-afar and similar to how she sensed that Raven adored Clarke way too much and was too friendly that it surely wasn’t as platonic as Raven wanted others to believe. Call Lexa paranoid, possessive and what not, all you like, but when it came to Clarke, she knew the effect that the latter had on people and similarly to how Spider-Man has Spidey-senses tingling in time of trouble, well, let’s just say that Lexa had Clarkey-senses, which tingled whenever one of the blonde’s admirers got too close to her. Unfortunately for Lexa, her Clarkey-senses have always been right, and what she had just saw confirmed her suspicions and explained Anya’s ever-growing affectionate gestures towards Clarke.

Of course, Lexa could never blame Raven, Bellamy or anyone else for yielding, unconsciously, to the blonde’s sweet spell, because Clarke Griffin and her so-called Griffin charm was an unparalleled force to be reckoned with, and, well, let’s just say that she was the Commander of Death indeed, in more ways than one. Moreover, Lexa knew that she had no right in feeling jealous or possessive of Clarke around the latter two, but when it came to Anya, her supposed dear older sister? Damn straight she had a right! Well, at least, that’s how Lexa saw it.

‘ _So maybe Costia was right about my “friends” after all’_ , Lexa thought, ‘ _they were untrustworthy_ ’. Nothing was ever so clear for Lexa than right now, because it was very clear that she could trust no one; no one but Costia.

As she stood up from the ground, where she had been crying her heart out not more than a few seconds prior, she repeated her old group’s mantra “get knocked down, get back up again”; and get back up she will, Lexa thought to herself as she started to make her way back to the campfire where Costia was waiting for her return.

Little did Lexa know that she was not seeing anything clear at all, rather she couldn’t be in murkier waters.

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 As she arrived at the campfire, Lexa went straight to where she had left Costia, but alas the latter was not there. _'Of course_ ', she thought, 'how could I think that she would wait for me here. I mean _it_ _**is** Costia that I am talking about here. Costia, who love to have fun and at a party_.' Thus, Lexa went to look for her in the ocean of sweaty bodies dancing, only to find her almost-grinding and giggling with another girl. Or maybe she is just getting paranoid now for surely Costia would never ever ever cheat on her, or lead others on when she is in a stable relationship with Lexa. Would she? Lexa marched right over and angrily pulled the girl, who was currently whispering in her girlfriend's ear, away from Costia.

" Hey what the hell do you think you're doing?!", screamed the girl.

" What do _I_ think am doing? _You_ are the one dancing in a not-so-friendly manner with my girlfriend!", argued Lexa.

"Oh really?! Then if she is your girlfriend, why was _she_ flirting with me?", the girl squealed.

"You dare accuse _my_ girlfriend o-", Lexa started to say when she was interrupted by Costia's whining "Enough. You're both ruining all the fun. Let's go Lexa!"

As Costia dragged Lexa away from what could have ended to be a very bad mess for her, she noticed that Lexa did not bring along a certain blue-eyed beauty, "So, where's Cl-SHE? Didn't you go to find her or Anya or what?" 

Although Lexa was still furious about the whole ordeal and the accusations made towards her girlfriend, she was overall flooded by a sense of awe at her girlfriend's concern for her bestfriend and ex-girlfriend, whom have never showed any for Costia at all, especially Anya. Little did Lexa know that Costia was only asking out of curiosity and interest in the younger blonde and not out of any concern for her or her bestfriend.

"Oh, I found them alright!!", but before she could continue her sentence...

 

**To Be Continue, ste yu**


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